Are You Living a Lie?

I woke up this morning wondering how many people are living a lie?  Walking to the pulpit this morning in churches across the nation greeting the congregation with a smile on their face and encouraging words streaming from their mouths.  Or maybe, stepping up to lead the singing, teaching a class, leading a youth group...tomorrow some may head to a job that you own but despise because it's just not what you desire to do anymore.  Or was the desire ever truly there?


I can only identify with where I came from, which is ministry.  I looked back on my life in the ministry, over 30 yrs. of serving.  I started when I was 14.  I had so many blessed years and I did enjoy many times.  I just got mixed up with what was my calling and what was someone else's calling.  You see, there were certain areas of ministry I wasn't called to serve in.  My gifting wasn't in certain areas but I found myself working in those areas because of my spouse who was called to serve in that area.  Let's say, I was a casualty of war, so to speak.  I agreed to 'submit' to the desire and dreams of the spouse in my life because that was His desire and dream, but I realized over time that it wasn't mine.  I was living a lie.  I was going through the motions.  Oh I knew, all to well, how to play the role, but it wasn't my calling.  It wasn't my dream.  It wasn't my desire.  People were so kind to compliment me and prophecy over me telling me of things to come in my ministry and role as a leading lady.  But honestly, I felt nothing.  I lived under so much condemnation that I wasn't good enough, I couldn't keep up with the other Pastor's wives.  I wasn't the eloquent speaker some of them were, and I struggled anytime I had to address the congregation.  I wondered why, for so long, why couldn't I be at ease with this position?  What was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I fit the mold?


I didn't fit the mold!  Because it wasn't mind to fill! This revelation saved my life!  My spouse may have been called, appointed & anointed to serve in this capacity, but that armor didn't fit me!  It wasn't my dream, it wasn't my desire.  That's why I think I lost myself for so long.  I agreed to follow and support the dreams and desires of my spouse, because, after all, that's what women are suppose to do, right?  NO!  Now, don't run out and close the door on your relationships because I think it's OK to have your own voice, even if it doesn't fit into your husband's idea of what the destiny your living is all about.  But I am saying, it's OK to have your OWN hopes and dreams.  Even if it's not the same as your spouse.  Now I know I'm not going to get a lot of support about this.  This may be one of the most controversial subjects I've discussed.  But that's your choice to disagree.  All I know, is when I stopped living a lie, I met God on a WHOLE new level.  So many church people are hurt today because some of the leaders in the church shouldn't be leading....REASON is because they are NOT called or anointed to do so.  Trust me, the wrong person out front will lead you down the wrong road.  You've heard the saying time and time again...hurting people hurt people. 


Fake smiles, Fake conversations, Fake handshakes and neck hugs....I'm glad that I don't live a lie anymore.  I can serve God with a WHOLE heart now and praise HIM with gladness in my heart and when I smile or hug someone...it's REAL!  Not everything I did in my past in ministry was fake, but I confess, I was living a lie.  Not all of it was truly my calling.  Some, yes....but not all.  


I feel for those in leadership positions, serving because of someone else's desires and dreams in life.  But what about YOURS?  Does God only care for one of you and supply the fulfillment of only one your dreams and goals in life?  I don't know about your God, but mine doesn't.  I thank God for those who are serving and ARE Called to the office they fill.  But God help those that are living a lie.  I pray that more leaders will become honest with themselves and their congregations and start following their own hopes and dreams.  I mean why would God create us all differently and then tell us we can only have one vision in our home.  I hope that each of my kids have their own personal goals and dreams outside of mine or their father's.  I have finally found my way!  I have new dreams and goals.  I'm 44 and starting over with my life and have never felt better or experienced the fullness that life and GOD is giving me in this present moment.


Don't let life pass you by...you only have ONE to live....don't live a lie!