It's that time of life again...letting go. When my babies were young, they reached a point where they could stand on their own two feet and wanted to explore their own little world. So, I put them down and taught them how to walk and I held their hands as they found their footing. When they discovered they didn't need to hold my hands anymore they let go and off they went.
Next, there was school. Preschool, awe, I'll never forget. It was harder on me than it was on them. I cried for days the first time I had to drop them off for school. They were so excited with their new backpacks, colors, new shoes and clothes. It was so cute but made me sad they were getting so big and independent, but I learned they needed that interaction with other kids to help them begin to learn how to get along with others and follow instruction and teaching from someone else besides me.
Then there came the day, the dreaded age of 16 when, now it's time to get the Driver's License. I was so nervous. As I drove each of them, respectively, on their 16th birthday to the DMV. I sat in the chair and watched them take their exams, then their picture for the license, then out the door with the person that would take them on their driving test. I chewed my nails and fidgeted in my chair the whole time until they got the "OK, you've passed" sign. I left the DMV with a knot in my throat and sweat dripping from my forehead. I thought, man, this is it, their grown I guess I've faced the biggest obstacles I'm going to face as a mother for awhile.
High School came and went and before I knew it, graduation. I took a deep breath and said, well, you did it! You got them through all of their major changes and obstacles. You can rest now and enjoy life. BAM! I was SO wrong! I was blind sided. The dreaded, Mom, "I'm moving out". I knew it was going to come one day, I just didn't expect it so soon. One day I'm holding their hands teaching them how to walk and before you know it, their telling me I'm moving out, Mom and on my own.
What do you do when your whole life has been having and raising kids? I mean, I had a life that was mine before kids, but I don't remember much about that time. It has faded in my memory, because my kids have consumed so much of my life. I've spent more years with them, than I've ever had by myself. It's like in the blink of an eye, the chaos and constant slamming of doors, the 'Mom, do we have anything to eat?', or 'Mom would you bake me some cookies?', and the 'could you wash this for me', 'would you sign this for me', or 'I need new clothes/shoes', 'I need money for gas', 'can we go...'.....the questions and requests could go on for decades. You think to yourself when all of these busy times are happening, when will this end? Then when it does, there's a tremendous overwhelming SILENCE. Your left with nothing but you and your thoughts.
The day my two moved out and on their own, the difference for me was, I couldn't stand over them and hold their hands to help maneuver there way to protect them from objects that could harm them. I have done my part. I've taught them all I know that is right and tried to instill the things that make up a man and woman of character. I've exhausted my strength in them. When they moved out I felt like pieces of me were shattered, and once again, I wanted to just crawl up into a ball and just cry.
The past few weeks have been very trying and mentally exhausting. I've tried to wrap my brain around why I feel like this when I know it's part of life....letting go. But, I must tell you I DON'T LIKE IT!!! God has been speaking to me though, during this quietness. I'm learning that those kids don't belong to me. They were sent to me on loan. God used my womb to bring them into the world and rewarded me by allowing me to share their formative years with them and help direct their paths for life. Oh, I know they're not going to leave me forever, but they are grown and starting their lives and finding their footing again. I have to let them go. I have to step back and allow them to start making their own choices, not mine...no matter how difficult. Sure, I want to go by their apartments/condo and drop in on them. Sure, I want to call them all day and find out where they are, what they're doing and who is with them. Absolutely, I want to be all 'up in their kool aid'...lol (as my Aunt Babu would say).
It's time, though, for me to LET GO! Not walk out, just LET GO! If I continue to hold on, then God won't be able to put His hand on them and guide and direct them into their future. I don't want them to do what I choose, but rather, what God desires for them. Today, I'm LETTING GO. I'm kicking and screaming, but I'm LETTING GO and Letting God!
Breathe in, Breathe out!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
'To Whom Much is Given...' What's your MUCH?
'To whom much is given, much is required...'. That's what the Word says and what my parents instilled in me during my formative years. Here I am 44 years later and those words still ring in my ears. This quote is a broad statement and encompasses so much. If you possess a lot of material things then you may be held accountable for more, or, if you have been blessed with knowledge, your expertise may be called upon more than the average thinker. Could it possibly mean, the calling that God has placed on your life requires you to sacrifice more than your blue collar worker. I'm not sure, but I think it means all of these things.
There have been some overwhelming circumstances that have surrounded my life, recently, and for some reason this scripture keeps jumping out of my head and shaking everything inside. I have grown frustrated with their weaknesses, becoming angry, even irate, over the lack of discipline they have demonstrated. I mean, seriously, how could they NOT see the good in front of them and choose a positive lifestyle rather than the road they are walking now? These thoughts have consumed me to the point of causing me physical sickness and lack of sleep. Why am I being so judgmental? Who put me in charge? What right do I have to sit back and criticize how someone else processes life? Sure, I've had my ups & downs, but if I could pull myself out of despair, how come they can't choose to do the same?
These thoughts....all consuming thoughts! These thoughts aren't making me sound like a good person I know, but they are real and I can't ignore them or act like their not torture.
After, dealing with all of these fault finding thoughts, I found myself on my knees, asking God for forgiveness. I, too, once battled demons that I didn't think I would ever conquer. But, this scripture...'to whom much is given, much is required...'. Why were these words so resounding in my ears and head? I guess, for me, it was all about GRACE & MERCY. You see, I was given a lottery on GRACE & MERCY! God's GRACE & MERCY, not Mans. God's GRACE & MERCY see's the weaknesses and faults but, takes us in his arms and keeps us no matter the faults. He looks beyond it all! He sees the future of what we can be and the differences we can make if we will be strong enough to CHOOSE His Way! It wasn't too long ago, I was one of those I've been having contempt for lately.
I had to do a reality check, and Thank God once again for His GRACE & MERCY and pray that I may be able to do the same for my loved ones in need.
'To whom much is given, Much is required...'. What's your MUCH? Mine is GRACE & MERCY.
There have been some overwhelming circumstances that have surrounded my life, recently, and for some reason this scripture keeps jumping out of my head and shaking everything inside. I have grown frustrated with their weaknesses, becoming angry, even irate, over the lack of discipline they have demonstrated. I mean, seriously, how could they NOT see the good in front of them and choose a positive lifestyle rather than the road they are walking now? These thoughts have consumed me to the point of causing me physical sickness and lack of sleep. Why am I being so judgmental? Who put me in charge? What right do I have to sit back and criticize how someone else processes life? Sure, I've had my ups & downs, but if I could pull myself out of despair, how come they can't choose to do the same?
These thoughts....all consuming thoughts! These thoughts aren't making me sound like a good person I know, but they are real and I can't ignore them or act like their not torture.
After, dealing with all of these fault finding thoughts, I found myself on my knees, asking God for forgiveness. I, too, once battled demons that I didn't think I would ever conquer. But, this scripture...'to whom much is given, much is required...'. Why were these words so resounding in my ears and head? I guess, for me, it was all about GRACE & MERCY. You see, I was given a lottery on GRACE & MERCY! God's GRACE & MERCY, not Mans. God's GRACE & MERCY see's the weaknesses and faults but, takes us in his arms and keeps us no matter the faults. He looks beyond it all! He sees the future of what we can be and the differences we can make if we will be strong enough to CHOOSE His Way! It wasn't too long ago, I was one of those I've been having contempt for lately.
I had to do a reality check, and Thank God once again for His GRACE & MERCY and pray that I may be able to do the same for my loved ones in need.
'To whom much is given, Much is required...'. What's your MUCH? Mine is GRACE & MERCY.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tribute to my Dad...
With Father's Day approaching, I wanted to share the thoughts that consume me regarding my Dad. We each, have our own memories, but I'm especially fond of mine, for many reasons. I grew up in a "Preacher's Home". My Mom & Dad were Pastor's and young parents by the age of 21. I was born in Houston, TX then my parents moved to a couple of other towns in Texas before finally settling down in a little town in SW Louisiana called Jennings. It was in Jennings where I started Kindergarten and grew up graduating High School in the same town. My memories of those days are wonderful! While my Dad was busy building a church, my Mom stayed home and raised a family. Now, that I'm older and reflect on those years, I remember having a hard time being a 'preacher's kid'. The eyes of the church people were always on me, judging my every move. I couldn't sneeze without someone telling my Dad what time and where I was. Although, we grew up under constant scrutiny, Mom & Dad always tried to keep balance in our lives. They made time for family vacations, school activities, family get togethers...whatever it was to keep as much of a balanced home as possible. For some years, I was angry and hurt with my parents because of their choice to be in ministry. I mean, after all, I didn't choose that lifestyle, why should I have to be apart of their way of living. It was a selfish thought, but I had it, nonetheless. As I matured, I began to notice something. My parents didn't choose their calling, but rather, the calling chose them.
They were naturals at caring for others. You see, in many churches today, the Pastor doesn't do what I grew up experiencing first hand. My Dad made ALL of the visitations. He visited the sick in the hospital, whether they were dying or just having a minor surgery. He ministered at the local Nursing home and he actually went to the Saints' houses and prayed for the sick. He personally dedicated babies, married couples in love and buried the losses of loved ones. He got in the baptismal in his jeans and a T-Shirt and actually baptized people. He went to dinner with the church folk. He took time to support local businesses and give the Benediction at citywide events. You see, my Dad was a TRUE 'MAN OF GOD'. Not just one who everyone was told to respect and call 'man of god'. No, He walked and talked everything he preached. He lived his life the same in Public as well as at home. He didn't treat my Mom one way at church and another at home. He didn't have a level of lifestyle that he had to portray in order to preach about being financially blessed. He just preached prosperity in ALL forms, not just money. We were prosperous, and we had less than we do now. We were prosperous because we had love, honor, hope & faith in our home.
I am so blessed to have my Dad still with me today. He is the same Man now that I grew up with many years ago in a little town in Louisiana on Sherman/Roberta AVe.. I've watched Mom & Dad blessed with overflowing blessings and I've seen them lose it all! They've lost their home, cars, their parents, nieces, nephews, brothers & sisters. Despite the horrific ups & downs they've had to encounter, I know NO ONE with more character or humility than my Mom & Dad. Because, this Sunday is Father's Day, I wanted to especially draw attention to the man that has remained faithful, true & steadfast in my life, my Dad. When I couldn't hold my physical body up on my own two feet, just a few years ago during my dark hour, my Dad held me then, like he did when I was an innocent little girl. His arms may be older now, but they gave me that same sense of security that I had growing up. I am sooooooooo thankful and sooooo blessed to have such a wonderful father. I know his grandkids are just as proud of him and love him just as much. I've never heard a negative word or connotation come out of any of their mouths about their Pappy. He is so respected and looked up too, as their Pappy. He has balanced ministry & family with grace. I do wish more preacher's would go back to the 'old school' way of building a church, because men like my Dad, are few and far between, but definitely needed more today!
Dad, I love you! You are my hero, my confidant, my rock and the first man in my life. You have shown me how a REAL Man is suppose to treat a lady and what TRUE love looks like. Thank you just doesn't seem enough for what and who you have been to me and your grandkids. We honor you! You deserve the highest reward for your service in the kingdom, but you got us instead! Hahaha...Love u dearly...angie...your oldest!
They were naturals at caring for others. You see, in many churches today, the Pastor doesn't do what I grew up experiencing first hand. My Dad made ALL of the visitations. He visited the sick in the hospital, whether they were dying or just having a minor surgery. He ministered at the local Nursing home and he actually went to the Saints' houses and prayed for the sick. He personally dedicated babies, married couples in love and buried the losses of loved ones. He got in the baptismal in his jeans and a T-Shirt and actually baptized people. He went to dinner with the church folk. He took time to support local businesses and give the Benediction at citywide events. You see, my Dad was a TRUE 'MAN OF GOD'. Not just one who everyone was told to respect and call 'man of god'. No, He walked and talked everything he preached. He lived his life the same in Public as well as at home. He didn't treat my Mom one way at church and another at home. He didn't have a level of lifestyle that he had to portray in order to preach about being financially blessed. He just preached prosperity in ALL forms, not just money. We were prosperous, and we had less than we do now. We were prosperous because we had love, honor, hope & faith in our home.
I am so blessed to have my Dad still with me today. He is the same Man now that I grew up with many years ago in a little town in Louisiana on Sherman/Roberta AVe.. I've watched Mom & Dad blessed with overflowing blessings and I've seen them lose it all! They've lost their home, cars, their parents, nieces, nephews, brothers & sisters. Despite the horrific ups & downs they've had to encounter, I know NO ONE with more character or humility than my Mom & Dad. Because, this Sunday is Father's Day, I wanted to especially draw attention to the man that has remained faithful, true & steadfast in my life, my Dad. When I couldn't hold my physical body up on my own two feet, just a few years ago during my dark hour, my Dad held me then, like he did when I was an innocent little girl. His arms may be older now, but they gave me that same sense of security that I had growing up. I am sooooooooo thankful and sooooo blessed to have such a wonderful father. I know his grandkids are just as proud of him and love him just as much. I've never heard a negative word or connotation come out of any of their mouths about their Pappy. He is so respected and looked up too, as their Pappy. He has balanced ministry & family with grace. I do wish more preacher's would go back to the 'old school' way of building a church, because men like my Dad, are few and far between, but definitely needed more today!
Dad, I love you! You are my hero, my confidant, my rock and the first man in my life. You have shown me how a REAL Man is suppose to treat a lady and what TRUE love looks like. Thank you just doesn't seem enough for what and who you have been to me and your grandkids. We honor you! You deserve the highest reward for your service in the kingdom, but you got us instead! Hahaha...Love u dearly...angie...your oldest!
Monday, June 7, 2010
It's Taylor's Time...
I woke up this morning thinking, in just under 3 days, my youngest, Taylor, will be graduating from High School. I remember, like it was yesterday, when I drove into Orlando, FL in a Conversion Van pulling a U-Haul trailer and checked the kids n me in to "Larson's Lodge" in Kissimmee for 2 1/2 weeks waiting for their Dad to come down and meet us as we began the journey of building our future as a family. Taylor was only 10 months, at the time and we were moving from Columbus, Ohio, where we had worked with Rod Parsley's ministry. I was a young parent and not sure that the path ahead would be a good one. While I sat in a Hotel room with just Tori and Taylor, a microwave, baby bed and rocking chair, fear and anxiety about our future began to overwhelm me and tears began rolling down my face. Questions about whether I would be able to provide for them and give them a good future came crashing in on me in this lonely room. I looked across the room, and saw Tori laying in one of the double beds, sound asleep and I looked at the foot of her bed, where the crib was resting and Taylor was playing quietly with his little toys. At that moment, it's as if he knew what I needed, he smiled at me and in that smile I saw peace. A comfort that I can't explain. That smile let me know, he trusted me, loved me and knew I was going to take care of his needs.
Here we are almost 18 years later, so much has transpired. Our journey didn't go exactly as planned, but nonetheless, it has brought us to this place, where we are today. We've been through, building a church, we moved right at 10 times over 17 years, flown all over the Nation. I've watched my kids learn how to dance at church with 'petite posse', go to church camps, travel to visit family in other states. I've dealt with Taylor's broken arms, broken ankles, tubes in his ears twice, adnoids removed, 6 teeth pulled, braces, swine flu, chicken pox, broken finger, dislocated arm, divorce of his parents, loss of 2 grandparents...and these are just off the top of my head. This kid has been through it!
Even through the battle scars and the pain, I've watched a young man develop into a Man of Greatness! Taylor has taught himself how to play the piano, guitar, and drums. He writes songs and creates sounds for production. His talents are as many as his young life's experiences. Through all of the life changes that have occurred in Taylor's journey, I've watched his character develop. Some things, I'd like to take credit for teaching him, but there are things that he was just born with...honesty, integrity, fairness, tenderness, joyful, love for God and Country...just to name a few.
As we embark on this new phase of our journey into Adulthood and "real life", I just wanted to take this little moment I have to say how PROUD I am to have such a wonderful Son in Taylor S. Brown. Just a few weeks ago we celebrated Tori and her accomplishments, so today is Taylor's turn. When I gave birth to a HUGE baby boy, 9 lbs. 6 oz. (all natural birth), on July 5th, 1992, I couldn't have asked for anything more than what God gave me. My son has brought me joy, I can't even explain. He has a sensitive heart, a good heart. He is one of the most observant little things, I've ever been around, even as a young boy. He used to crouch down and hide in the pillows on my couch, and no one would know he was there, just to hear everything going on in the room. Then he'd ask me lots of questions later about the conversations. He always liked being around adults. He never ran with the crowd in school, but always had friends and was respected by students and teachers. Taylor is a leader! He has created his own path. He wants to be a music producer and I fully support his dreams! He has respected and honored me, as his mother and I couldn't be more proud.
As we approach graduation day, everyone will see this strapping young man take to the podium to receive his honor, but all I will see is my little boy that brought me so much joy. Everyone has always called Taylor...Momma's boy, and he seemed to be OK with that title. I hope he never outgrows it! He'll always be "Tay" to me, and I'll always remember that little smile he gave me in his crib on that day 17 years ago in Kissimmee. Wednesday, I'll be way up high in the stands at the Amway Arena watching him have his moment below, he won't be able to see me, but I'll see him and I'll be giving him that same smile back letting him know that His future is Bright and everything's gonna be AlRIGHT!!!
Here we are almost 18 years later, so much has transpired. Our journey didn't go exactly as planned, but nonetheless, it has brought us to this place, where we are today. We've been through, building a church, we moved right at 10 times over 17 years, flown all over the Nation. I've watched my kids learn how to dance at church with 'petite posse', go to church camps, travel to visit family in other states. I've dealt with Taylor's broken arms, broken ankles, tubes in his ears twice, adnoids removed, 6 teeth pulled, braces, swine flu, chicken pox, broken finger, dislocated arm, divorce of his parents, loss of 2 grandparents...and these are just off the top of my head. This kid has been through it!
Even through the battle scars and the pain, I've watched a young man develop into a Man of Greatness! Taylor has taught himself how to play the piano, guitar, and drums. He writes songs and creates sounds for production. His talents are as many as his young life's experiences. Through all of the life changes that have occurred in Taylor's journey, I've watched his character develop. Some things, I'd like to take credit for teaching him, but there are things that he was just born with...honesty, integrity, fairness, tenderness, joyful, love for God and Country...just to name a few.
As we embark on this new phase of our journey into Adulthood and "real life", I just wanted to take this little moment I have to say how PROUD I am to have such a wonderful Son in Taylor S. Brown. Just a few weeks ago we celebrated Tori and her accomplishments, so today is Taylor's turn. When I gave birth to a HUGE baby boy, 9 lbs. 6 oz. (all natural birth), on July 5th, 1992, I couldn't have asked for anything more than what God gave me. My son has brought me joy, I can't even explain. He has a sensitive heart, a good heart. He is one of the most observant little things, I've ever been around, even as a young boy. He used to crouch down and hide in the pillows on my couch, and no one would know he was there, just to hear everything going on in the room. Then he'd ask me lots of questions later about the conversations. He always liked being around adults. He never ran with the crowd in school, but always had friends and was respected by students and teachers. Taylor is a leader! He has created his own path. He wants to be a music producer and I fully support his dreams! He has respected and honored me, as his mother and I couldn't be more proud.
As we approach graduation day, everyone will see this strapping young man take to the podium to receive his honor, but all I will see is my little boy that brought me so much joy. Everyone has always called Taylor...Momma's boy, and he seemed to be OK with that title. I hope he never outgrows it! He'll always be "Tay" to me, and I'll always remember that little smile he gave me in his crib on that day 17 years ago in Kissimmee. Wednesday, I'll be way up high in the stands at the Amway Arena watching him have his moment below, he won't be able to see me, but I'll see him and I'll be giving him that same smile back letting him know that His future is Bright and everything's gonna be AlRIGHT!!!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Put on Your NIGHT GOGGLES!!!
Today I was reading an entry from one of my journals dated, March 25, 2003. This was just 1 month after my separation and many mixed emotions are, in and throughout, this particular entry, but, one I find very interesting. In the midst of my pain, I didn't realize how God was already showing me a way through. Funny how we don't always see His Hand IN our situation but notice He was there the entire time AFTER we've come through. It must have been the beginning of the Gulf War and there was enormous coverage on television of everything transpiring in the Middle East. I journaled a story about some soldiers making a journey to a particular destination with a reporter by the name of David Bloom. They had been on this journey for about 6 days in the desert and were headed to Baghdad. David reported later, that it was a treacherous LONG and SLOW journey. The trucks were only able to move at a pace of 20 mph. While they were slowly moving forward they had been ferociously bombarded along the way. He reported 20 casualties, 7 POW's, and numerous wounded in this 6 day battle. The Infantry was beginning to tire and become discouraged when, in addition to the enormity of loss up to this point, a Sand Storm hit the brigade and virtually paralyzed the troops. They lost all contact, for a while, with Centcom (Central Command), they hadn't heard the President speak to assure America we were going to win, and they were unable to hear about the small victories that were occurring all around. The only thing this Infantry could see during their journey was their losses/casualties.
As I'm reading my own entry about this time of History taking place, I began to assimilate the events unfolding in my own life. Although, it seems like my journey is long, and treacherous. I feel like there have been casualties in my own household and I'm not even sure if survival is an option anymore. I look around and I can't see anything outside of my own Sand Storm. I'm paralyzed and blinded by my pain, loneliness and loss. I feel like there's no way out of this storm. I've lost contact with my own Centcom (Central Command), which is God. I can't hear His voice, I can't see Him and the worst....I can't even feel Him. How will I know what to do, where to go? When will this Sand Storm end? What's going on around me? Is anyone out there? I've put myself spiritually in the same place that these soldiers were physically and I'm feeling their sense of confusion and doubt.
Then, all of a sudden, contact was made with this particular Infantry and as the reporter finished telling the story he said what got them through were a couple of things...Night Goggles, that's right! When the vision of the road they were on began to disappear during the storm the soldiers relied on their training. You see, their natural man was scared and wasn't sure they could make it through the storm, but their training prepared them for battle and so they knew it was time to pull out the Night Vision Goggles! These Goggles were created to pierce through the darkness and show the way more clearly. They were created for this purpose only! I began to think about how that applied to my life when the Lord showed me in Psalms 119:105, His Word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a LIGHT unto my path". God's Word is our NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! Let His Word lead you. When you don't see clearly and you can't feel him and you've lost all sense of direction in your life and there seems to be no contact with CENTCOM....let His Word guide you! The last thing I noticed this Infantry did, was to keep moving! They didn't let the storm halt their mission. Even though everything was coming against them to prevent advancement, they kept moving forward.
Don't GIVE UP! Keep Moving FORWARD! The pace isn't relative. It's the fact that you don't stop, you keep advancing. Any movement is a sign of LIFE! Just MOVE!!! Remember, when the path gets confusing and your way seems unclear and you've lost all contact with CENTCOM....put on your NIGHT GOGGLES!!! His Word will always be your LIGHT to lead the way!!!
As I'm reading my own entry about this time of History taking place, I began to assimilate the events unfolding in my own life. Although, it seems like my journey is long, and treacherous. I feel like there have been casualties in my own household and I'm not even sure if survival is an option anymore. I look around and I can't see anything outside of my own Sand Storm. I'm paralyzed and blinded by my pain, loneliness and loss. I feel like there's no way out of this storm. I've lost contact with my own Centcom (Central Command), which is God. I can't hear His voice, I can't see Him and the worst....I can't even feel Him. How will I know what to do, where to go? When will this Sand Storm end? What's going on around me? Is anyone out there? I've put myself spiritually in the same place that these soldiers were physically and I'm feeling their sense of confusion and doubt.
Then, all of a sudden, contact was made with this particular Infantry and as the reporter finished telling the story he said what got them through were a couple of things...Night Goggles, that's right! When the vision of the road they were on began to disappear during the storm the soldiers relied on their training. You see, their natural man was scared and wasn't sure they could make it through the storm, but their training prepared them for battle and so they knew it was time to pull out the Night Vision Goggles! These Goggles were created to pierce through the darkness and show the way more clearly. They were created for this purpose only! I began to think about how that applied to my life when the Lord showed me in Psalms 119:105, His Word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a LIGHT unto my path". God's Word is our NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! Let His Word lead you. When you don't see clearly and you can't feel him and you've lost all sense of direction in your life and there seems to be no contact with CENTCOM....let His Word guide you! The last thing I noticed this Infantry did, was to keep moving! They didn't let the storm halt their mission. Even though everything was coming against them to prevent advancement, they kept moving forward.
Don't GIVE UP! Keep Moving FORWARD! The pace isn't relative. It's the fact that you don't stop, you keep advancing. Any movement is a sign of LIFE! Just MOVE!!! Remember, when the path gets confusing and your way seems unclear and you've lost all contact with CENTCOM....put on your NIGHT GOGGLES!!! His Word will always be your LIGHT to lead the way!!!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
REST = RECOVERY = GROWTH
I've been studying for my Master Personal Trainer's Certification and I'm learning so much about the anatomy of the body and it's functions. There are so many revelations I'm finding that parallel with the spirit world, it is blowing my mind. One of the most recent discoveries, was how the body needs REST. Just as important as it is to push oneself to achieve optimal growth through one's workouts, it is necessary for rest. Experts call this, Muscle Recovery.
I am an avid fan of the gym and personal training. I workout on a regular basis, usually 5 days a week. I do weights and lots of cardio. I have been doing this for some time now. I've always enjoyed working out. I started about 14 years ago and really began to kick it in to HIGH gear over the past couple of years. But I found myself recently becoming fatigued. I wasn't enjoying my workouts and found myself dreading the gym everyday. As I discussed my concerns with Ryan about how I was feeling he began to share with me that I was "Over Training". Imagine that, me? Overtraining! I thought there was no such thing. However, in my studies, what Ryan shared with me, was confirmed. I began to study more about this, as well as, question Ryan a little deeper on the subject matter. He began to tell me that a person can work and work and work, over and over, in the gym, and push themselves, but there does come a time when a person can "Over Train" their muscles to the point they become fatigued and reach a plateau. A point of slowed GROWTH. When these symptoms occur, your body is telling you it is time to REST.
In order for the muscles to grow past the point you have personally pushed them, they need a time of RECOVERY. This time of RECOVERY produces GROWTH. How awesome is that?! Get this:
REST = RECOVERY = GROWTH
As I'm getting this in my brain, I'm no longer thinking about the gym. My mind at this point starts going back to my personal HELL I was in for so long. I recall the day that everything changed in my life. It was February 5, 2003. I'll never forget that day, not only because of the devastation my life was being hit with, but because it would be the beginning of the BEST of Me to come! When my world went from Sunshine to a Category 7 Hurricane (if there is such a thing), I closed myself off from everyone. The only person I allowed in my life at that time was my Parents. I literally could not trust ANYONE else. For one year, I did nothing but read books, pray and cry. I was paralyzed! After a year had passed, I began to make some decisions for myself that would ultimately change my life forever. I had no idea where these changes would take me and what would become of them, but something had to be done to move forward with my life. Over the course of the following 3 yrs. or so I laid low. I didn't get out of my house, except to grocery shop or pick the kids up from school. I closed myself off to everyone! People were concerned for my health and well-being. They meant well, but they all thought I would never recover from such a blow. They all went on with their lives, doing what they do, preaching, singing, evangelizing, building churches, having conferences...you name it. I just couldn't understand how my world seemed to have stopped but theirs kept moving forward. After this season of quietness, I began to slowly start gaining ground again in my life. I started venturing out and trying things, experiencing life, one day at a time. I dove too quickly into some things that I regret, but God's Grace & Mercy brought me through and kept me all the way. I'm sitting here 4 1/2 yrs. after my divorce and 7 yrs. since my separation began, and I am more fulfilled than ever. I have accomplished so much on my own, that I never thought possible. From getting my first cell phone in my name, on my own...to completing my Life Coaching Certification and Advanced Personal Training Certification, as well as on my way to achieving the Master's Certification in personal Training and Nutrition. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I am trying to show you, by example, that throughout my "down time", which I like to refer to as "REST" time. God was using this time in my life as "RECOVERY"!
Now, what I want to come full circle to tell you is, without the REST, you can't have RECOVERY. RECOVERY is needed in order to produce gain...or, GROWTH! Your ultimate level of GROWTH comes after the REST! You can't continue in life day after day, doing the same things over and over and expect to get greater and greater results in your personal life. Sometimes, you've got to stop, and give yourself a REST! REST your mind, your body, your will and your emotions. I can testify, that because of the time I took to myself for REST and RECOVERY, I can honestly say, I'm stronger in EVERY area of my life! I didn't know I had it in me. I really didn't. I have fought HELL and I WON! Only because of the Grace of God and REST! I'm headed further than I ever imagined in my life. GROWTH has no other choice when REST is applied and RECOVERY does it's work! My Momma used to tell me when my babies were young and I wanted to wake them up to feed them or hold them because they had been sleeping so long, she'd say NO, they need their REST. Their growing while they sleep.
Don't count someone out just because you haven't seen or heard from them in a while. They may just be RESTING for their next assignment! Look Out for them because through their REST, they will receive their RECOVERY for GROWTH!
I am an avid fan of the gym and personal training. I workout on a regular basis, usually 5 days a week. I do weights and lots of cardio. I have been doing this for some time now. I've always enjoyed working out. I started about 14 years ago and really began to kick it in to HIGH gear over the past couple of years. But I found myself recently becoming fatigued. I wasn't enjoying my workouts and found myself dreading the gym everyday. As I discussed my concerns with Ryan about how I was feeling he began to share with me that I was "Over Training". Imagine that, me? Overtraining! I thought there was no such thing. However, in my studies, what Ryan shared with me, was confirmed. I began to study more about this, as well as, question Ryan a little deeper on the subject matter. He began to tell me that a person can work and work and work, over and over, in the gym, and push themselves, but there does come a time when a person can "Over Train" their muscles to the point they become fatigued and reach a plateau. A point of slowed GROWTH. When these symptoms occur, your body is telling you it is time to REST.
In order for the muscles to grow past the point you have personally pushed them, they need a time of RECOVERY. This time of RECOVERY produces GROWTH. How awesome is that?! Get this:
REST = RECOVERY = GROWTH
As I'm getting this in my brain, I'm no longer thinking about the gym. My mind at this point starts going back to my personal HELL I was in for so long. I recall the day that everything changed in my life. It was February 5, 2003. I'll never forget that day, not only because of the devastation my life was being hit with, but because it would be the beginning of the BEST of Me to come! When my world went from Sunshine to a Category 7 Hurricane (if there is such a thing), I closed myself off from everyone. The only person I allowed in my life at that time was my Parents. I literally could not trust ANYONE else. For one year, I did nothing but read books, pray and cry. I was paralyzed! After a year had passed, I began to make some decisions for myself that would ultimately change my life forever. I had no idea where these changes would take me and what would become of them, but something had to be done to move forward with my life. Over the course of the following 3 yrs. or so I laid low. I didn't get out of my house, except to grocery shop or pick the kids up from school. I closed myself off to everyone! People were concerned for my health and well-being. They meant well, but they all thought I would never recover from such a blow. They all went on with their lives, doing what they do, preaching, singing, evangelizing, building churches, having conferences...you name it. I just couldn't understand how my world seemed to have stopped but theirs kept moving forward. After this season of quietness, I began to slowly start gaining ground again in my life. I started venturing out and trying things, experiencing life, one day at a time. I dove too quickly into some things that I regret, but God's Grace & Mercy brought me through and kept me all the way. I'm sitting here 4 1/2 yrs. after my divorce and 7 yrs. since my separation began, and I am more fulfilled than ever. I have accomplished so much on my own, that I never thought possible. From getting my first cell phone in my name, on my own...to completing my Life Coaching Certification and Advanced Personal Training Certification, as well as on my way to achieving the Master's Certification in personal Training and Nutrition. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I am trying to show you, by example, that throughout my "down time", which I like to refer to as "REST" time. God was using this time in my life as "RECOVERY"!
Now, what I want to come full circle to tell you is, without the REST, you can't have RECOVERY. RECOVERY is needed in order to produce gain...or, GROWTH! Your ultimate level of GROWTH comes after the REST! You can't continue in life day after day, doing the same things over and over and expect to get greater and greater results in your personal life. Sometimes, you've got to stop, and give yourself a REST! REST your mind, your body, your will and your emotions. I can testify, that because of the time I took to myself for REST and RECOVERY, I can honestly say, I'm stronger in EVERY area of my life! I didn't know I had it in me. I really didn't. I have fought HELL and I WON! Only because of the Grace of God and REST! I'm headed further than I ever imagined in my life. GROWTH has no other choice when REST is applied and RECOVERY does it's work! My Momma used to tell me when my babies were young and I wanted to wake them up to feed them or hold them because they had been sleeping so long, she'd say NO, they need their REST. Their growing while they sleep.
Don't count someone out just because you haven't seen or heard from them in a while. They may just be RESTING for their next assignment! Look Out for them because through their REST, they will receive their RECOVERY for GROWTH!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A Virtuous Woman...Who ME?
"Who can find a Virtuous Woman...?" I've read that scripture numerous times over the years and somedays I felt like that woman, but most days I was the polar opposite. I would beat myself up for not measuring up to this woman I read about in Proverbs.
I must confess, I may have been born into the ministry and lived it all of my life but that did not mean I was a scholar of the Word. I remember in my younger days, my Mom would encourage me to read my Bible everyday. I did, and I promise you, I never comprehended a word from my readings. Back then, we only had KJV, so the Word of God wasn't simplified for my laziness. I would get so frustrated because I never understood why I had to read something I couldn't, nor thought, I would ever understand. I continued to read over the years and eventually, little by little, my understanding became enlightened.
As, I became an Adult, Wife, Mother, and Leader in the church, I had to teach on the things that I would read. It was so frustrating for me, because I was able to sing in front of thousands with ease, but when it came to speaking, I'd just as soon be covered in honey laying in an ant bed. I watched other Pastor's Wives and Women Evangelists/Prophetess/Teachers...dear God, the titles that are out there still overwhelm me. Let's just call them "Women of God". Their delivery of the Word was so polished that I stood in amazement and felt less than worthy to do the same. I was able to conjure up an idea for teaching, but when it came to delivery, I had to glean from others to create the message. Then, when I would stand to share the Word, I would leave the pulpit feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, knowing they weren't my words, but the words of the one who wrote them. I never understood why God would call me to do something I felt so uncomfortable doing, and the stress that came over me every time. I mean, all these Women of God out there, traveling the country, raising their families, Pastoring churches, writing books, leading the Worship for their churches...I could go on. They had a multiplicity of talents that I wish I had just ONE of to share with ease. They seemed to juggle so much with such grace. I hated them...LOL, not really, but I was envious. It appeared I had it going on from the outside, to many, because I wore all the right clothes, drove the nice cars, lived in the big house, traveled many places and knew a lot of, what the church world, considers important people. Inside, I was dead! I was so far from the Virtuous Woman, I was the example of who NOT to follow! I had people around me that loved me so much they would do anything for me, including, put a cloth over my lap, wipe the sweat from my forehead, fetch me water, drop off and pick up my kids from the children's ministry...and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but by allowing them to assist me, I slowly lost my essence. That character trait that I needed to develop into the VIRTUOUS WOMAN, God wanted me to become on my own. Instead, of me helping THEM find their place in the Kingdom, I allowed them to assist me in mine. I failed them in that respect.
A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, is not just the characteristics of a single female that existed in the Bible. She was a combination of the greatness of many women. I misunderstood that text for years. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, sometimes, so it has taken me a while to see this. This woman is a woman I should aspire to become. If I could just accomplish 1/4 of who this woman was, God would be proud. We try so hard, especially women, to be like other women and we base that desire on what we see, not what we know. It's good to have role models (i.e. the virtuous woman), but it's GREAT to be who YOU are to your family and friends. What do you have to offer them from your life?
The VIRTUOUS WOMAN was a facade, someone who existed only in a saying, but, the characteristics of that woman came from women like you and me that were just doing and being what God called US to be to our own family and friends. Don't be down on yourself because you can't BE and DO it all. Take one thing you're good at and multiply that gift with consistency, care and courage. Then one day, who knows, what will develop out of your faithfulness. You might have to lay some things down and pick other things up in order to be more like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN. Allow yourself to be sensitive in that area and know the right thing. Remember, if you have doubt where to begin, let me help you...YOUR FAMILY, because they are the foundation we should build on to secure our future. Be your OWN version of the VIRTUOUS WOMAN! We don't need duplicates, only originals!
I must confess, I may have been born into the ministry and lived it all of my life but that did not mean I was a scholar of the Word. I remember in my younger days, my Mom would encourage me to read my Bible everyday. I did, and I promise you, I never comprehended a word from my readings. Back then, we only had KJV, so the Word of God wasn't simplified for my laziness. I would get so frustrated because I never understood why I had to read something I couldn't, nor thought, I would ever understand. I continued to read over the years and eventually, little by little, my understanding became enlightened.
As, I became an Adult, Wife, Mother, and Leader in the church, I had to teach on the things that I would read. It was so frustrating for me, because I was able to sing in front of thousands with ease, but when it came to speaking, I'd just as soon be covered in honey laying in an ant bed. I watched other Pastor's Wives and Women Evangelists/Prophetess/Teachers...dear God, the titles that are out there still overwhelm me. Let's just call them "Women of God". Their delivery of the Word was so polished that I stood in amazement and felt less than worthy to do the same. I was able to conjure up an idea for teaching, but when it came to delivery, I had to glean from others to create the message. Then, when I would stand to share the Word, I would leave the pulpit feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, knowing they weren't my words, but the words of the one who wrote them. I never understood why God would call me to do something I felt so uncomfortable doing, and the stress that came over me every time. I mean, all these Women of God out there, traveling the country, raising their families, Pastoring churches, writing books, leading the Worship for their churches...I could go on. They had a multiplicity of talents that I wish I had just ONE of to share with ease. They seemed to juggle so much with such grace. I hated them...LOL, not really, but I was envious. It appeared I had it going on from the outside, to many, because I wore all the right clothes, drove the nice cars, lived in the big house, traveled many places and knew a lot of, what the church world, considers important people. Inside, I was dead! I was so far from the Virtuous Woman, I was the example of who NOT to follow! I had people around me that loved me so much they would do anything for me, including, put a cloth over my lap, wipe the sweat from my forehead, fetch me water, drop off and pick up my kids from the children's ministry...and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but by allowing them to assist me, I slowly lost my essence. That character trait that I needed to develop into the VIRTUOUS WOMAN, God wanted me to become on my own. Instead, of me helping THEM find their place in the Kingdom, I allowed them to assist me in mine. I failed them in that respect.
A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, is not just the characteristics of a single female that existed in the Bible. She was a combination of the greatness of many women. I misunderstood that text for years. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, sometimes, so it has taken me a while to see this. This woman is a woman I should aspire to become. If I could just accomplish 1/4 of who this woman was, God would be proud. We try so hard, especially women, to be like other women and we base that desire on what we see, not what we know. It's good to have role models (i.e. the virtuous woman), but it's GREAT to be who YOU are to your family and friends. What do you have to offer them from your life?
The VIRTUOUS WOMAN was a facade, someone who existed only in a saying, but, the characteristics of that woman came from women like you and me that were just doing and being what God called US to be to our own family and friends. Don't be down on yourself because you can't BE and DO it all. Take one thing you're good at and multiply that gift with consistency, care and courage. Then one day, who knows, what will develop out of your faithfulness. You might have to lay some things down and pick other things up in order to be more like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN. Allow yourself to be sensitive in that area and know the right thing. Remember, if you have doubt where to begin, let me help you...YOUR FAMILY, because they are the foundation we should build on to secure our future. Be your OWN version of the VIRTUOUS WOMAN! We don't need duplicates, only originals!
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