"Who can find a Virtuous Woman...?" I've read that scripture numerous times over the years and somedays I felt like that woman, but most days I was the polar opposite. I would beat myself up for not measuring up to this woman I read about in Proverbs.
I must confess, I may have been born into the ministry and lived it all of my life but that did not mean I was a scholar of the Word. I remember in my younger days, my Mom would encourage me to read my Bible everyday. I did, and I promise you, I never comprehended a word from my readings. Back then, we only had KJV, so the Word of God wasn't simplified for my laziness. I would get so frustrated because I never understood why I had to read something I couldn't, nor thought, I would ever understand. I continued to read over the years and eventually, little by little, my understanding became enlightened.
As, I became an Adult, Wife, Mother, and Leader in the church, I had to teach on the things that I would read. It was so frustrating for me, because I was able to sing in front of thousands with ease, but when it came to speaking, I'd just as soon be covered in honey laying in an ant bed. I watched other Pastor's Wives and Women Evangelists/Prophetess/Teachers...dear God, the titles that are out there still overwhelm me. Let's just call them "Women of God". Their delivery of the Word was so polished that I stood in amazement and felt less than worthy to do the same. I was able to conjure up an idea for teaching, but when it came to delivery, I had to glean from others to create the message. Then, when I would stand to share the Word, I would leave the pulpit feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, knowing they weren't my words, but the words of the one who wrote them. I never understood why God would call me to do something I felt so uncomfortable doing, and the stress that came over me every time. I mean, all these Women of God out there, traveling the country, raising their families, Pastoring churches, writing books, leading the Worship for their churches...I could go on. They had a multiplicity of talents that I wish I had just ONE of to share with ease. They seemed to juggle so much with such grace. I hated them...LOL, not really, but I was envious. It appeared I had it going on from the outside, to many, because I wore all the right clothes, drove the nice cars, lived in the big house, traveled many places and knew a lot of, what the church world, considers important people. Inside, I was dead! I was so far from the Virtuous Woman, I was the example of who NOT to follow! I had people around me that loved me so much they would do anything for me, including, put a cloth over my lap, wipe the sweat from my forehead, fetch me water, drop off and pick up my kids from the children's ministry...and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but by allowing them to assist me, I slowly lost my essence. That character trait that I needed to develop into the VIRTUOUS WOMAN, God wanted me to become on my own. Instead, of me helping THEM find their place in the Kingdom, I allowed them to assist me in mine. I failed them in that respect.
A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, is not just the characteristics of a single female that existed in the Bible. She was a combination of the greatness of many women. I misunderstood that text for years. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, sometimes, so it has taken me a while to see this. This woman is a woman I should aspire to become. If I could just accomplish 1/4 of who this woman was, God would be proud. We try so hard, especially women, to be like other women and we base that desire on what we see, not what we know. It's good to have role models (i.e. the virtuous woman), but it's GREAT to be who YOU are to your family and friends. What do you have to offer them from your life?
The VIRTUOUS WOMAN was a facade, someone who existed only in a saying, but, the characteristics of that woman came from women like you and me that were just doing and being what God called US to be to our own family and friends. Don't be down on yourself because you can't BE and DO it all. Take one thing you're good at and multiply that gift with consistency, care and courage. Then one day, who knows, what will develop out of your faithfulness. You might have to lay some things down and pick other things up in order to be more like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN. Allow yourself to be sensitive in that area and know the right thing. Remember, if you have doubt where to begin, let me help you...YOUR FAMILY, because they are the foundation we should build on to secure our future. Be your OWN version of the VIRTUOUS WOMAN! We don't need duplicates, only originals!
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