A few years back, I prayed for something so hard that I literally hurt in my stomach. I wanted something so bad to work out, I walked through my house and anointed every door post, every pillow on every bed, the car...you name it, it was greased down with oil, hope and prayer. I just knew that what I was believing God for was right, and I deserved for it to come to pass. I quoted scriptures 'til I was blue in the face. All I know is the more I prayed the less it looked like my prayers were going to be answered. I cried and screamed and pitched a royal fit at God. I just couldn't believe he wouldn't fulfill the answer to my prayers, after all, it was biblically promised. What would I do now? Now that time is going on but I seem to be stuck a year later and my situation still hadn't changed but actually got worse. Everything was moving forward around me, but I was at a stand still. I had reached a point where, I felt like God was betraying me. Every promise I had ever received in my life up to that point was a lie. I felt betrayed by everyone. Was anything true? God was my last hope at trusting again, and I felt rejected even by Him.
As I began my long journey, into searching my own soul, slowly I began to see things more clearly. It started coming really clear a little over 3 years ago, when I went on a Cruise with some friends. I took time during that week to reflect and spend time alone with my thoughts and read books and truly prayed and sought God again. When I left for that time away, I told God, I have to feel you this time, I have to know what I'm doing wrong or not doing right that's keeping me from getting what I need to move on and be free of the rejection, pain, hurt, loneliness and above all the broken promises. I thought my life would be this certain way forever! What happened? Where did it go wrong? Why didn't God restore? As I pulled myself away during that week long cruise to get answers, it was around the 4th night in, I finally got it! I was praying wrong...all this time, I was praying wrong. God revealed to me, that all I needed to do, was pray these words..."thy Kingdom come, thy will be done"...
When I altered my prayer life, my whole life began to change. I was praying and believing for this one thing and God was saying, BURY IT! He had something GREATER than I could ever imagine waiting for me. I was so small minded to think I needed what I had lost, that I never realized if I would just LET IT GO, God wanted to put something more powerful and sustaining in my life. I can not tell you how freeing that made me feel. I am a completely settled person now because of those few little words I altered in my prayer life.
I encourage you, don't settle for what's in your hands. God wants to give you even greater things than you can imagine. Stop fighting for something that may not even be God's Will concerning you. Let it Go! Whatever it is...a dead end Marriage, a job that steals your joy everyday, a kid that refuses to comply with you...etc., the list goes on. You know what it is in your own life that's stealing your peace & joy. God is not in the midst of Confusion! He INHABITS the Praises of His people! Start praying for HIS WILL, not yours. All I can say is, if He had answered my prayer concerning this one thing...I would be losing my mind today instead of just finding it! Stop holding on to your ideas of what your life should be and let go and see where His Promises lead you. He sees the big picture! It's like the little kid that wants this toy so bad he throws a fit to get it and doesn't realize that maybe Mom & Dad want to get him something bigger & better, but it might take a little time to save for the the nicer prize. I choose to wait for the bigger & better prize!
All I can say is, Thank God for unanswered prayers, sometimes!
I'm playing catch-up on reading your blog - this one hit me so hard - so so true. I went thru that in the 80's thinking I had to have something w/someone restored and God had something and someone far, far better than I could ever dream of. You said it just right!!
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