A Perfect Fit...

Today, I am reminded of a story in the Bible about a man named David. There are so many stories about him that I find relative in my own personal life and this is just one of them. When David decided to face Goliath, King Saul gave him his armor to wear and use to defeat the Giant. David, even though at times made bad decisions in life, made a good one this time. He said, "I cannot because I am not used to this..." (I Sam. 17:31-39). David new no one else's armor would fit properly, he wasn't familiar with King Saul's gear, it was bulky, uncomfortable, distracting. I love how David decided to use what he had, a slingshot. It may not have been shiny armor, the best sword, the best gear that was available for him to borrow, but it was his and he new how to use it.

Finding my way back to a 'middle ground' has been a long process. I remember when I first tried to start going back to church after the divorce and visiting so many churches in the city trying to fit in somewhere that made me feel safe. I even tried, singing again, speaking again, creating again...I never could feel right, I felt like a hollow shell. It wasn't any church's fault or one person's fault. It was me, trying to find my place. I was so dissatisfied, discontented. I thought that was what I suppose to do, that's what I thought I was called to do from the foundation of the Earth, because that's what everyone around me told me. The whole time I was pleasing everyone else except for myself. I was miserable! I always wanted to please. Then I woke up one day about 2 yrs. ago and decided, this is not me, not now at least. This armor I've been trying to wear for other's is not fitting me well. It's uncomfortable, doesn't fit me. Although, it's a beautiful armor, and many I know would envy having it, it's not mine anymore. When I released those thoughts from my mind and resolved in my heart that I was going to find what was me now, I had such a peace come over me, I can't begin to explain it to you. My relationship with God became more deep and more real over time. I let go of what other's expectations of me were and I began to live my life so that it brought glory to God and not other's.

My armor, may not be in the form of a position in the ministry anymore, or a singer or speaker, but it looks more like a 'slingshot' now. It's small in the eyes of others, but it's big in God's eyes and in mine. My aspirations and desires are different now, but they are mine. I get more joy out of doing the things that make me happy. And, when I'm happy, there is peace in my home. No more drama, no more constantly doing and living for the approval of others. I feel I am being more of a positive influence to my community and family now than ever before in my life. I encourage anyone following this blog, BE YOURSELF! Don't let other's define you, or put armor on you that doesn't fit you! You've got one life to live, so live it God's way. Trust me, He wants you happy. It's not that complicated, just 'love your neighbor as yourself'...bottom line...that's what makes 'a perfect fit'!