Oh Give Thanks!

Thanksgiving is upon us!  I love this time of year.  It can be overwhelming if you don't take control.  Many people get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of making things happen for everyone else that they forget to take the time to breathe in all the little moments that occur all around us.  I've been guilty of this so many times.  I'm learning, with each new year, to take it all in...even the craziness...especially the craziness.  I do my share of hosting the families and baking and cooking until I have food dye in my fingernails and running mascara from all the onion cutting.  I wouldn't trade one stained nail or one tear shed for all of it!  I LOVE IT!!!


Take the time to renew old traditions and start new ones with those you love.  Don't get stuck in the rut or humdrum of  this just being another year.  Make this one different!  Make a difference!  Start with yourself!  


I'm so thankful for it all!!!  YES, even the bad stuff!  If I hadn't experienced the pain of rejection, I wouldn't know the warm feeling of acceptance.  If I hadn't felt the pain of loss, I wouldn't know what it feels like to live in abundance.  If I hadn't let go of things that were holding me back, I wouldn't be able to rejoice in the new and fresh things that are propelling me towards my Destiny!


It is the sum ingredients of the GUMBO that I call my Life!  A little bit of everything.  I've experienced it all, but I'm thankful that NONE of it has taken me out!  I'm still standing!  I'm stronger than ever!  I'm happier than I've ever been and more excited about my future than I could ever put into words!  I could have given up many times, but I practiced the Words of David...'I encouraged myself in the Lord!'.


Encourage yourself this Holiday!  Don't let the Scrooge Spirit come and steal the Spirit of God that resides on the inside of  youl!  Give Thanks! We all have something to be thankful for.  Your situation is no worse than someone else's, so plant your feet, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face and GIVE THANKS!  This year is almost over and a New Year awaits with even greater opportunities and a fresh start.  The way you go into something new, rests on the attitude of the way you left the former.


Oh, Give Thanks!

I'm Living in a NEW ERA!

The alarm went off this morning at  7 a.m., I rolled out of bed threw on my warm-up and tennis shoes.  I grabbed my IPod, earphones and I was out the door.  As I began my walk, I stared to go down the list of 'to do's' for the day/week.  "So what's the date?"  Ok, today is the 8th of November.  I have to do this by the 10th, that by the 15th and then I've got this on the 20th...I was laying out everything, in my head, that needed to be done.  Then it hit me...the 8th...there's something significant about this date, but what is it?  I kept coming back to it, the 8th, the 8th, the 8th...then it hit me!  Today marks the 5 year mark of my divorce.  WOW!  I couldn't believe it!  Not that I couldn't believe it had already been 5 years, but rather that I had forgotten and had to stir up my memory bank to remember why this date was significant.


For me, this is a miracle!  A major accomplishment!  For so long, I dredged my body, mind & soul through the mud and crud of that terrible season of my life...divorce.  I thought I'd never forget anything that happened.  Slowly, but surely, day by day, as I got further away from that season, I forgot.  I let go of one more thing.  I released one more pain, one more hurt, one more bad memory.  It's amazing what time can do.  My Dad told me all along, 'Let time be your best friend'.  I hated it when he told me that, but he was right!  Time had been my friend.  Five years...WOW!


I have found numbers to be symbolic in my life.  I don't live my life according to them, but they have significance to me and meaning at times.  I don't think it's ironic that my divorce was finalized on the 8th, five years ago.  Five is the number of completion and Eight is the number of NEW BEGINNINGS!  I am celebrating today complete wholeness!  I can honestly say, God has healed me from my past!  I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I don't hate anyone...I'm healed!  I'm so glad, that I didn't rush out and marry the first person to come into my life after my divorce, and I'm so glad I didn't settle for what was in my life at that time.  I've waited and allowed TIME to be my friend.  Oh, I haven't done everything right, and I've made many mistakes along the way, but, I never let those mistakes define me or defeat me.  I always picked myself back up and start over.


I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing man now!  I couldn't have this peaceful and trusting relationship if I hadn't gone through all the JUNK I had to go through, alone.  I needed those years to get rid of the baggage I carried.  Now, I'm in a NEW ERA!  Not a new season.  You see, seasons come & go, but an era, now that's longer!  This ERA of my life will catapult me into my ultimate DESTINY!


Don't let life push you to rushing into something that isn't meant to be.  TIME!  Let TIME be your friend.  Know how to be comfortable with being alone.  Know how to make your own decisions.  Know what your personal 'likes & dislikes' are and have your own friends.  Know what makes you 'tick' and don't settle for anything less than God's BEST!


It's time we stop living from Season to Season and start living in a NEW ERA!

'Tis the Season...It's YOUR Season!

'Tis the season...the Holidays are upon us! Every year about this time I get nostalgic.  I love the holidays!  Growing up it was so much fun!  Family, Food, Giving, Receiving....as a child, I was more excited about what I was getting.  As an adult, I look forward to giving so much more.  


I know it's been a tough year for so many, and the year isn't over yet.  I hope that despite the economy and the financial and physical struggles that so many have had to face, that somewhere within we can all find a little seed of hope from which to build.  I have an expectancy for GREAT things!  I'm believing for unprecedented miracles this season.  I'm pledging to STRETCH my FAITH this season and BELIEVE for favor!


After coming through the greatest storm of my life, I remember the loneliness of the holidays past.  I grieved through so many of them I've lost count.  Once I found myself again, and started building something new, I've come to realize that I wasted so much time and energy grieving for something that was not meant to be.  I was praying for something God was trying to release me from.  A 'tug of war', so to speak.  Once I let go, a freshness awaited me that I can't explain.  I had to let go of old traditions and start new ones.  I had to let go of the familiar and focus on a new path.  It's been a ReBirth!  An exciting time for me and my family.  Scary at times, but rewarding!  


I encourage you this season, to 'let go' of the past.  Maybe some of you are going through a separation, divorce, or maybe it's a first Holiday season without a loved one.  Whatever your lot,  pledge to let go of the way some things used to be and start some fresh and new traditions that will pave the way for the BRIGHT future that awaits!


'Tis the Season...It's YOUR Season!  Make it FRESH, make it HAPPY, make it YOURS!!!

KNEAD a RIGHT SPIRIT in ME!

Psalms 51:10, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."

This scripture has resounded in my heart and mind all week.  

What do you do when someone you know and love are battling issues in their life and it seems like they don't want to get better or desire for change?  They enjoy their dysfunction because it creates attention.  Negative or Positive, it's attention and they thrive on it.  I've faced this in my own life and I must confess, I am definitely NOT the poster child for 'how to' respond to these actions.  I've been overwhelmed with anger lately.  Anger has been a closer friend to me than laughter and happiness.  Once again, I've let a negative emotion control my daily behavior and actions.  I'm not proud of this, in fact, I'm mad at myself for allowing this particular emotion to make its way back into my life again.  

As I have been faced with this ugly faced monster I call anger, I recalled my therapy sessions during my divorce, in which my counselor encouraged me to feel every emotion I faced.  Embrace every feeling that came my way, so that I wouldn't have to deal with that emotion in that way again.  It worked for me then, but it's not working for me now.

So over the past few days, I tried something new.  I decided that if I stayed in my own little world and did me own thing and tried not to avail myself in the area that was causing me such anger, then I could face my emotions, feel that emotion and deal with it accordingly, without getting into the middle of the issues from which these emotions were stemming.  I've infamously coined the phrase, "I love some people, but I don't like them".... which I still live by, but God is dealing with me in this area.  I must admit, I don't like what I'm learning but I know it's for my good.  God is teaching me some things right now and it's grinding my skin, but I know a good buffing is what I need.  He's just getting rid of the excess that I don't need.   It's just dead skin.

This one scripture is ringing in my soul...'create in me a clean heart'.  Every day this week God has either spoke through someone or shown me in a devotion that no matter how I feel on the inside, sometimes I have to take actions on the outside that may conflict with my inner man.  Let me just say for the record...I DON'T LIKE IT!!!  Based on my former therapy sessions, I was taught that I didn't have to act like something I didn't feel.  I do agree with that, however, God is speaking to me that I must ask him to KNEAD in my heart the right spirit.  The right emotions to deal with the issues at hand.  In other words...create in me a CLEAN heart.  That word, CLEAN means showing or having no record of offenses or crimes.  That's right!  No matter what offenses or crimes have been committed....I must ask God for a CLEAN heart.

God has been telling me that He UNDERSTANDS why I feel and have been acting the way I have, BUT it's UNACCEPTABLE!!!  I thought I was right to embrace my anger and express the validity of why I felt the way I did towards certain issues that I've been dealing with, personally.  However, God has shown me over the past few days that although my feelings are valid they are UNACCEPTABLE, and I need to GROW UP and DEAL WITH IT!!!  

I confess, I'm not there yet, so I'm not going to run out and wave a flag of surrender to the anger I'm experiencing.  I will say, I hear what God is saying, and I'm working on that area of my life and pledge to do better day by day.  I'm not an overnight success in this department.  It takes me time to process my anger.  But, I will say, I always manage to get through it in time.  So, this is me, today...October 23, 2010...getting through my anger and focusing on being better.  

Not sure if this is for anyone else but for myself to see in writing.  Either way, I've learned this week to pray for God to KNEAD a RIGHT spirit in me and create in me a CLEAN HEART.  Hopefully, soon, I can report that, despite my feelings on the inside, I was able to walk in God's unfathomable GRACE towards the issues that have held me in bondage.

Are You Living a Lie?

I woke up this morning wondering how many people are living a lie?  Walking to the pulpit this morning in churches across the nation greeting the congregation with a smile on their face and encouraging words streaming from their mouths.  Or maybe, stepping up to lead the singing, teaching a class, leading a youth group...tomorrow some may head to a job that you own but despise because it's just not what you desire to do anymore.  Or was the desire ever truly there?


I can only identify with where I came from, which is ministry.  I looked back on my life in the ministry, over 30 yrs. of serving.  I started when I was 14.  I had so many blessed years and I did enjoy many times.  I just got mixed up with what was my calling and what was someone else's calling.  You see, there were certain areas of ministry I wasn't called to serve in.  My gifting wasn't in certain areas but I found myself working in those areas because of my spouse who was called to serve in that area.  Let's say, I was a casualty of war, so to speak.  I agreed to 'submit' to the desire and dreams of the spouse in my life because that was His desire and dream, but I realized over time that it wasn't mine.  I was living a lie.  I was going through the motions.  Oh I knew, all to well, how to play the role, but it wasn't my calling.  It wasn't my dream.  It wasn't my desire.  People were so kind to compliment me and prophecy over me telling me of things to come in my ministry and role as a leading lady.  But honestly, I felt nothing.  I lived under so much condemnation that I wasn't good enough, I couldn't keep up with the other Pastor's wives.  I wasn't the eloquent speaker some of them were, and I struggled anytime I had to address the congregation.  I wondered why, for so long, why couldn't I be at ease with this position?  What was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I fit the mold?


I didn't fit the mold!  Because it wasn't mind to fill! This revelation saved my life!  My spouse may have been called, appointed & anointed to serve in this capacity, but that armor didn't fit me!  It wasn't my dream, it wasn't my desire.  That's why I think I lost myself for so long.  I agreed to follow and support the dreams and desires of my spouse, because, after all, that's what women are suppose to do, right?  NO!  Now, don't run out and close the door on your relationships because I think it's OK to have your own voice, even if it doesn't fit into your husband's idea of what the destiny your living is all about.  But I am saying, it's OK to have your OWN hopes and dreams.  Even if it's not the same as your spouse.  Now I know I'm not going to get a lot of support about this.  This may be one of the most controversial subjects I've discussed.  But that's your choice to disagree.  All I know, is when I stopped living a lie, I met God on a WHOLE new level.  So many church people are hurt today because some of the leaders in the church shouldn't be leading....REASON is because they are NOT called or anointed to do so.  Trust me, the wrong person out front will lead you down the wrong road.  You've heard the saying time and time again...hurting people hurt people. 


Fake smiles, Fake conversations, Fake handshakes and neck hugs....I'm glad that I don't live a lie anymore.  I can serve God with a WHOLE heart now and praise HIM with gladness in my heart and when I smile or hug someone...it's REAL!  Not everything I did in my past in ministry was fake, but I confess, I was living a lie.  Not all of it was truly my calling.  Some, yes....but not all.  


I feel for those in leadership positions, serving because of someone else's desires and dreams in life.  But what about YOURS?  Does God only care for one of you and supply the fulfillment of only one your dreams and goals in life?  I don't know about your God, but mine doesn't.  I thank God for those who are serving and ARE Called to the office they fill.  But God help those that are living a lie.  I pray that more leaders will become honest with themselves and their congregations and start following their own hopes and dreams.  I mean why would God create us all differently and then tell us we can only have one vision in our home.  I hope that each of my kids have their own personal goals and dreams outside of mine or their father's.  I have finally found my way!  I have new dreams and goals.  I'm 44 and starting over with my life and have never felt better or experienced the fullness that life and GOD is giving me in this present moment.


Don't let life pass you by...you only have ONE to live....don't live a lie!

Let's Get LOADED!!!

I have been watching my boyfriend, Ryan, for the past 16 weeks diet and train for a National Bodybuilding Competition.  I've been around him for the past 3 yrs. as he has competed for various competitions and each one is somewhat the same but learning something new each time he goes through this cycle.  It's amazing to watch the process.  I'm in awe of the extreme discipline that is demanded for this sport.

As I observe the process I'm noticing different things that ring true in everyday life.  One of the main things is 'deprivation'.  Deprivation means the lack or denial of something considered to be a necessity.  You see in order for Ryan to achieve his goal he has to go through a process of building during his off season.  He works hard in the gym to increase his workload by adding weight to each exercise.  He targets every muscle in the body to make sure each intricate muscle is being challenged and stretched to become bigger and better.  It takes time to build muscle and it comes by increasing weight and taking in proper Protein.  I'll watch him digest enormous amounts of food in off season and indulge in all of his favorite foods.  Build...Build...Build, is the motto!  However, when it comes time to begin dieting and training for a competition it's 'cut back' or 'deprivation' time.  So at around 16 weeks out from a competition he'll begin to  altar his diet, cutting out certain foods and condiments.  Little by little, week after week, until he gets to about a month out and then the real deprivation starts.  He's still functional, mentally & physically during the early weeks of this dieting/training process, but towards the end is when there are noticeable changes that begin to take place, not only physically, but also in his psyche.  

As Ryan approaches one week out from Nationals, the wear and tear on his body is beginning to take a toll mentally. His capacity to remember things is altered, the ability to physically walk across the room at times can be taxing.  Just to be able to complete his workouts and diet regimen in the day is an enormous task that is draining every ounce of his nature.  

You may ask what this has to do with anything?  Sometimes God allows us to go through a season of 'deprivation'.  He removes  all the excess out of our lives.  We feel emotionally drained, fragile, listless.  God will remove certain people that he knows are not meant to be in your life, or maybe he'll take you out of a job that may possibly be keeping you from pursuing your dreams and destiny.  He may even move you to a city where you know no one just to set you in the right place so He can speak into your life.  Whatever your deprivation is, it is for your good.  BUT, I have good news.  You see what happens when you finally, get through this stage of deprivation, you start loading up!  What I mean by that is... after Ryan deprives himself and gets completely depleted he begins a process called 'carb loading'.  What this does is fill his muscles out so that he has that healthy look again.  His body is ridded of all the excess but full at the same time and he begins to feel normal again.

This is what it's all about...ridding ourselves of all the unwanted excess so that when it's time to fill up again, we are at our BEST!  God wants to prepare us for our destiny and our time to shine!  So if you've been feeling depleted lately, take courage!  God is just getting you ready for a time of LOADING UP!  Filling you with what he has planned for your future!  I sure don't mind the depletion, if I can get LOADED!!!

Today marks one week from his National competition in Atlanta, GA.  We have no idea how he will place but if there is one thing we do know, he will be in the BEST shape of his life at this time next week!  He has told me many times, that although his desire is to win or even place, as long as he feels he's better than last year and has made enormous improvements he feels like a winner already!  Now that's the attitude of a Champion!

He Inhabits Your Praise!

Today, I began to read some of my old journals that I had poured my heart and soul into during my divorce.  As I thumbed through one of the journals, I noticed myself writing the same things over and over.  I was so lost during that season of my life.  I remember the heaviness all too well.  In one breath, I was so depressed that I couldn't see where there was any chance of life getting better.  In the next breath, I expressed feelings of empowerment and the ability to conquer the world.  Truly a  roller coaster of emotions.  I wrote about the time when I felt everything I had helped build and create had been taken from me like a newborn being ripped out of his mother's arms.  One day, I could look around and say, 'Look at what God helped us build', to the next day, driving by those things and saying, 'Look at the baby that was stolen from me'.  Trying to resolve in myself that I would no longer be able to lay claims on something I was so instrumental in building/birthing.  It was like a death to me emotionally.  I grieved for so long over the losses.  To see, what was once yours and not be able to touch it or show it off as being apart of you was devastating.


Then it came to me...read these passages again.  So I did.  Read it again. So I did.  I reread these writings several times, when it finally jumped out to me.  I...Me...Things.  I was so focused on my pain from the losses, I didn't take the time to tell God, "THANK YOU", for allowing me to have given birth to this dream.  And although, it may not be something I can be apart of now, it will forever be something that God used me, for a time, to fulfill a purpose he needed to complete.  It's like raising kids, God uses you to give birth to them, He allows you to raise them and nourish them, but there comes a time when you have to let them go.  That's what I needed to see and hear.  It was just my time to 'let go'.  


There are things in our lives, that God has given us to take care of and nourish.  I don't know what yours might be, it could be children, a church, elderly parents, etc...  But, it's time to realize it's not about you!  It's about the greater cause...HIM!  We are merely vessels.  He can't fill us with new wine unless we have emptied out from what was in us previously.  I realized that the depression I was in was merely anger with no place to go.  It's time to turn your mourning into dancing, Isaiah 61:3.  Exchange your spirit of heaviness for the garment of praise!  It's time to exchange your POUT for a PRAISE!  Let Go of the former.  Let go of that relationship that is going nowhere!  Let go of the baggage from your past!  Let go of the negativity, the "it's never going to change" attitude!  Let go of that House that has swallowed you up in debt!  Change is a choice! We can choose it today!  Release what you're holding on to so that God can give you what HE wants you to have next!


I have come to learn that, wherever you are start to praise God, because that's when He shows up!  Whatever state you may find yourself in, right now, stop, make a conscious decision to CHANGE or EXCHANGE what is in your possession and begin to PRAISE HIM!  Some kind of way, find you a PRAISE!  Psalms 22:3 says, "But thou art Holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel."  See, He inhabits, which means to 'live in or occupy', your praise!  Another story comes to mind about Paul & Silas.  At midnight, they began to sing praises, and as they praised there was an earthquake and their chains were loosened and they were set free!  It's time for you to start an earthquake with your praise.  If we only new the power of our praise!


This may only be for me today, but I'm making, yet another, about face in my life. An EXCHANGE, if you will.   I'm puttin' on my praise, because I need HIM to come and 'live in and occupy' the circumstances in my life.  Some people may call it a gamble to let go of what they are holding on to, but I call it FAITH!  I want what's in HIS Hands over what's in mine, any day!