Healing Moments

Last night I had the opportunity to enjoy a relaxing evening out with Ryan.  We took in a beautiful Jazz Concert on the Lake "Under the Stars".  As we were sitting there just taking in the beautiful breeze off the lake, smooth jazz music playing, people all around on blankets and chairs, vendors in the distance selling their latest products...I was absorbing the relaxing atmosphere all around.  Sometimes, life really isn't as complicated as we make it...I mean, we are all faced with tough decisions and it is definitely a time in our society where almost every decision we have to make is an overwhelming one.  But, last night, I looked around at people from so many walks of life and how they were responding to the nights events.  Everyone I saw seemed to have checked their drama at the gate and were allowing themselves a few moments of "nature's therapy".  There were children running around their parents giggling and playing.  Then, I saw a group of women that were standing up and just laughing and dancing to their own rhythm of the night...lol.  I saw a couple get up in the middle of thousands of people and they created themselves their own little dance floor and started dancing together, holding each other, laughing at each other and whispering their own little 'love language' without a care of who was looking.  There were so many diverse ways of relaxing that I was so touched by watching them all.  Ryan and I sat there and took it all in.  My way of relaxing was just holding Ryan's hand and breathing in the fresh air that we had been so blessed with for this 'perfect' evening.  


I guess what I took home from my evening last night was this...whatever you may be faced with today or tomorrow, be sure to take the time to enjoy the little moments that come your way.  Those small, intricate moments that God allows to pass your way.  These times, I call "healing moments".  You need them, I need them...in order to stand strong in our journey we have to take time out of the craziness to allow "healing" in our lives.  Emotional, physical, and spiritual healing.  Don't get swallowed up in your daily routine of School, Work, Church, and Home.  Those all are good and necessary, but that's not all there is to life.  God  has a creation out there that you need to experience as well.  Remember, he created Earth and everything in it.  That means you can also find and experience "healing" in it!  Sometimes all you need is to breathe in God's Creation/Nature.  That alone can bring you to a place of serenity.  Try it!  Even if you have to do it all by yourself.  Take time this week to take in some type of God's natural creation...the beach, fresh air, walking in the park or just holding the hand of someone you love.  Step out of your routine and find your "healing moment".  You won't regret it!

Toxic Relationships...

There is a saying, 'Birds of a feather, flock together'...I've heard it for years!  Every so often in my journey, when I need things shaken up in my life, and a positive change to take place, I begin to pray and ask God to remove any THING or PERSON/PERSONS in my life that don't add but take away from my life.  Usually His response wasn't always immediate so I wouldn't recognize the shifting when it would come.  But as sure as the sun is shining in Orlando today, He always took action when I prayed this prayer.  You see, sometimes we think that just because certain things or people have been in our lives for extended periods of time that it will always be that they are present and we have to learn how to deal with them.  I have learned first hand this is absolutely not the case.  Every time I've asked God to remove the negative influences or "suckers" out of my life, HE HAS.  I may not have recognized immediately was what was going on, and fought to keep those friendships, but eventually my eyes would be enlightened and He would remind me of what my prayer was.  I'm learning now, not to fight for what God wants OUT of my life.  When God removes something he always replaces it with something even greater!  God is not a taker but a giver.  He came that we might have LIFE, and have that Life MORE Abundantly!  I had so much JUNK around me, it was INSANE!  I literally was losing my mind.   I was taking medication just to keep my mind in tact.   I had people to make decisions for me, people who did everything for me, people who told me what to think and say 24/7.  What to wear, How to act, who we needed to schmooze, what was important for the Big picture... I wasn't a witness of Christ, I was a product of man!  I found over time that the very thing that man was creating me to be, man was hating!  I had stop thinking for myself and was doing what I was told to do and think and the people that had my ear were creating my future...and that future was a DEAD END!!!  They even wrapped a spiritual bow around it, so they could sell it to me.  


It has taken some time, but, by allowing God to eliminate the unnecessary "suckers" (those who strangle your sense of self by taking from you emotionally, physically & spiritually) in my life, I am Blooming again with a sense of Purpose & Poise that I am LOVING!  When you began to allow God to remove the "suckers" in your life and don't fight to keep them you will hear His voice so much more clearly.  The drama that used to surround you will dissipate and one day you'll wake up and realize where all the chaos was coming from.  I love how the people that claim they want to escape the drama are usually the ones who carry the drama with them everywhere they go.  I've even started praying over my kids lives, that God would remove those dead weights in their lives that would distract them from their purpose & promise.  They don't know what I'm praying and yet, I'm seeing things shifting with their friends and they don't understand what's going on...I'm just smiling and looking up to Heaven, saying, THANK YOU!  He's answering my prayer!


Be prepared if you decide to pray this way, you will go through a season of having little or no friends.  But don't despair, it's just a time where God needs you to himself to get you back on track and teach you what to look for next in new friends.  I went through this period,  I felt lonely and wondered what was wrong with me.  I didn't fit in with the old friends and the new ones I'd meet I didn't have anything in common with.  But, this alone time was about me...getting better,  getting stronger,  teaching me how to hear God's voice and know his Presence in my life, so that when I did start allowing new faces into my life I could appreciate them & they would be a safe haven for me.  


There's a scripture that I love...Whether I turn to the right or to the left, my ears will hear a voice behind me, saying, "This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:18-21).  I am so glad I can CLEARLY hear His voice now.  I can see drama coming a mile a way, and I just choose another path to walk on.  God always shows me a better way.  Get rid of the "toxic" friendships in your life...it's your life & your choice!  Make it for yourself & your family!

What's Your Legacy?

I came across a quote that said, "It is possible to own too much.  A man with one watch knows what time it is, a man with two watches is never quite sure."  I love this quote because it really does put things into perspective for me.  I have grown up, sort of, naive about money.  When I was younger (in school), I was very good with the money I would earn.  I'd always tithe my 10%, and try to save as much as possible afterwards.  As I grew, married, had children and began living my career/ministry, I slowly lost sight of the value of money/things.  It didn't happen over night but rather over a lengthy period of time.  I think one of the reasons I lost sight was because I never knew how to balance a checkbook, and I personally never paid a bill.  I never knew what I/we had.  Sad, I know, but true.  It wasn't until about 5 yrs. ago, that I had to begin to learn the elementary side of finances.  I literally had to go back to the beginning and my friend and Dad had to walk me through something so simple, step by step.  I made my first cellphone purchase in my name on my own at the age of 38 and for the first time in my life I started seeing the electric bill, the car note, the mortgage payment, etc...I was so overwhelmed.  I felt so illiterate and ashamed that I couldn't handle these daily tasks that everyone else in the world dealt with on regular basis.  I was starting over at 40 and the future was not looking so bright.  I wasn't sure I was capable of ever learning how to control my own life.  


All I know is, here I am 4 yrs. later and I'm doing it.  It was a daily thing for me, slowly learning what to do, step by step, bit by bit.  It started with learning what was necessary and what wasn't.  I had so  much that is was ridiculous and I kept accumulating more stuff.  I've had to step back, mentally that is, and take a look around me and evaluate what is necessary and what isn't.  You see,  we can possess so much physically that it clutters our minds mentally and distracts us from seeing and knowing what is right.  I've slowly been purging the "unnecessary" around me.  The more I let go of things, the more I notice God is giving me.  I don't mean physically giving me but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  I would much rather have clarity mentally & spiritually  in my life than physical possessions.  It is what is saving me, daily!  It really isn't important that you drive a Mercedes or own 5 Rolex watches and live in a million dollar home and have a new wardrobe every season.  Oh, don't get me wrong, if you can do it and not be in debt because of it, then by all means, LIVE IT UP!  But, my point is, don't think it's necessary to have to make others think highly of you.  Trust me, I have nice things and I love those things, but those things don't have me.  I know this because I have been tested to see how I'd respond if I lost those things...God knows My heart!  I think one of the saddest moments for me, in my life, was when people remembered me for what I was wearing and not the positive impact I made in their life.  That's not the legacy I want to leave.  One day, I want those I love and those who know me to look back and say, that Lady wore Christ well.  She exemplified a true Proverbs 31 Woman, because you know what, that's the legacy my Mom is leaving.  I want to share in her legacy.


Live within your means, Clean out the clutter in your life!  Make room for God to give you what you need most, HIM and what is in His hands.  It is worth more than you could ever purchase!

Thank God for Unanswered Prayers...

Have you ever prayed so hard for something to go a certain way that you couldn't hardly function until it happened.  You tried to think and find every scripture in the Bible to back up your wishes and then spoke them out loud, wrote them on post-its and posted them everywhere so you could see them?

A few years back, I prayed for something so hard that I literally hurt in my stomach.  I wanted something so bad to work out, I walked through my house and anointed every door post, every pillow on every bed, the car...you name it, it was greased down with oil, hope and prayer.  I just knew that what I was believing God for was right, and I deserved for it to come to pass.  I quoted scriptures 'til I was blue in the face. All I know is the more I prayed the less it looked like my prayers were going to be answered.  I cried and screamed and pitched a royal fit at God.  I just couldn't believe he wouldn't fulfill the answer to my prayers, after all, it was biblically promised.  What would I do now?  Now that time is going on but I seem to be stuck a year later and my situation still hadn't changed but actually got worse.  Everything was moving forward around me, but I was at a stand still.  I had reached a point where, I felt like God was betraying me.  Every promise I had ever received in my life up to that point was a lie.  I felt betrayed by everyone.  Was anything true?  God was my last hope at trusting again, and I felt rejected even by Him.  

As I began my long journey, into searching my own soul, slowly I began to see things more clearly.  It started coming really clear a little over 3 years ago, when I went on a Cruise with some friends.  I took time during that week to reflect and spend time alone with my thoughts and read books and truly prayed and sought God again.  When I left for that time away, I told God, I have to feel you this time, I have to know what I'm doing wrong or not doing right that's keeping me from getting what I need to move on and be free of the rejection, pain, hurt, loneliness and above all the broken promises.  I thought my life would be this certain way forever!  What happened?  Where did it go wrong?  Why didn't God restore?  As I pulled myself away during that week long cruise to get answers, it was around the 4th night in, I finally got it!  I was praying wrong...all this time, I was praying wrong.  God revealed to me, that all I needed to do, was pray these words..."thy Kingdom come, thy will be done"...

When I altered my prayer life, my whole life began to change.  I was praying and believing for this one thing and God was saying, BURY IT!  He had something GREATER than I could ever imagine waiting for me.  I was so small minded to think I needed what I had lost, that I never realized if I would just LET IT GO, God wanted to put something more powerful and sustaining in my life.  I can not tell you how freeing that made me feel.  I am a completely settled person now because of those few little words I altered in my prayer life.

I encourage you, don't settle for what's in your hands.  God wants to give you even greater things than you can imagine.  Stop fighting for something that may not even be God's Will concerning you.  Let it Go!  Whatever it is...a dead end Marriage, a job that steals your joy everyday, a kid that refuses to comply with you...etc., the list goes on.  You know what it is in your own life that's stealing your peace & joy.  God is not in the midst of Confusion!  He INHABITS the Praises of His people!  Start praying for HIS WILL, not yours.  All I can  say is, if He had answered my prayer concerning this one thing...I would be losing my mind today instead of just finding it!  Stop holding on to your ideas of what your life should be and let go and see where His Promises lead you.  He sees the big picture!  It's like the little kid that wants this toy so bad he throws a fit to get it and doesn't realize that maybe Mom & Dad want to get him something bigger & better, but it might take a little time to save for the the nicer prize.  I choose to wait for the bigger & better prize!

All I can say is, Thank God for unanswered prayers, sometimes!

Just Finish it!

Today I completed my first 5k and I am so glad that I chose to try to do this.  I went in to it with just the expectation of finishing.  It was just a small thing that I wanted to accomplish for myself.  However, I didn't expect to experience emotionally and spiritually what this race did for me.  First of all, I'm not a runner!  I ran track back in Jr. High and hated it!  The only reason I ran then was because I was the tallest girl in my class and they needed my long legs for the girls team.  So I tried to do my best, but I never liked it.  So, I walked this race...and as I walked I tried to take in everything around me, and God didn't disappoint.  He began to show me little things that just made me even more alive inside.  As I looked around at others who joined in this race, I saw young kids running along side their Parents, Elderly people, people with physical challenges...so much diversity.  I noticed that, although, we all started together at the same time, we all finished at different times, but at the same 'finish line'.  You know, it's a lot like LIFE...some people were born runners, they can start a race and face every obstacle that comes at them with tenacity and vigor and still finish at a steady pace.  Others, like me, choose to walk the race and face whatever obstacles I may face at a slower pace.  But, no matter what pace each of us chose for ourselves, we all, in the end, finished across the same line.  Our times may have been different, but our ending place was the same. 
 A lot like this Christian race we all run/walk.  God is so good, that in His infinite Power, he is able to give us all the same prize no matter when we cross the line.  The most inspiring moment I believe I found today, was at different points of the race there were people their cheering us on and handing us water to quench our thirst.  Then finally, at the finish line they were lined up welcoming all the racers across the line.  They stayed until everyone crossed.  How inspiring that was to me...
We, as Christians, even yet, as Human Beings, should not just focus on our race, but be there as encouragement for other racers.  We can't take this journey alone, we need each other, for encouragement, pats on the back, love, smiles, a helping hand...anything that helps others want to continue to the finish line.  Each of us race in life differently because our personalities are different, but we all have the same finish.
I am a firm believer, after all the junk I've been through, that if you embrace Life, it'll embrace you back.  You get what you give out.  Don't be so swallowed up in your own stuff that has you down.  Stop for a moment and put your focus on someone else and watch what happens to your situation.  Things will begin to turn around.  I Believe it!  I'm Living It!  Take time to do something with yourself that you've never done before.  Challenge yourself!  This 5k was not a big deal to anyone but me, because I know I would have never thought of doing anything like this before.  But I tell you, when I step out of my comfort zone and do something positive with my life, God always shows me something that inspires me to continue in this race!  Don't worry about how you look in the race...just finish it!  It's your race...run it or walk it, but at least FINISH IT!  You can do it!

Triggers...

Trigger points...finding them, realizing their affect on us, and doing something to combat them.  Today, I find myself, once again faced with those pesky little compulsions.  I realized a few years back what they were, then last year started trying to figure out how to combat them.  I know, that for me, there are 3 areas in my life, that when I am facing or dealing with issues in my life, I am provoked in these areas.  I've had to learn how to make myself aware.  Every time I seem to go through something, whether big or small, one of these 3 compulsions seem to rear their ugly head.  Today, has been no different.  There are some things I'm dealing with and because of the concerns I have, all of a sudden, POP!  There it is...those ugly compulsive triggers.  I'm learning, though, when they pop up...it's time to slow down, breathe, and face it!  The issues aren't going away, you've got to deal with it and if you add one of those compulsions to the mix then you'll be faced with another issue.  Is it worth it?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  That's what I have to keep reminding myself.  What it feels like after giving in to them, how it only weakens me and not strengthens.  If I don't climb this mountain, I'll have to face it again.  Funny how time seems to stand still when these triggers occur.  Only making the day longer, but, the rewards of pressing on and not succumbing to these compulsions are innumerable!  


God's word says, "his mercies are new and fresh each day"...if I were to slip up, I do know God's Grace is there to catch me and comfort me.  But now, more than ever, I don't want to just frustrate His Grace.  I want to choose to press on in a positive way and bring Honor to His Name through my actions.  I view it similar to a Parent/Child relationship.  When a child makes the right decision about something they are battling and they don't do what they know is wrong then they feel so much better and their closeness to their parent becomes even more intimate and more special because of the Pride they feel and the Pride the Parent has in them for making the right decision.  I want HIM to be proud of me!  


I believe everyone has triggers.  Things that will set negative thoughts or actions into motion.  I encourage you during these overwhelming moments to slow down, breathe, be present with what you are feeling and thinking. Don't deny the feelings that come over you in those moments.  But make a conscious decision, NOT TO GIVE IN!  You have the power within you to walk away from it, whatever it is...conquer your compulsions by just being stronger than them.  God has given you everything you need, just use it!

A Perfect Fit...

Today, I am reminded of a story in the Bible about a man named David. There are so many stories about him that I find relative in my own personal life and this is just one of them. When David decided to face Goliath, King Saul gave him his armor to wear and use to defeat the Giant. David, even though at times made bad decisions in life, made a good one this time. He said, "I cannot because I am not used to this..." (I Sam. 17:31-39). David new no one else's armor would fit properly, he wasn't familiar with King Saul's gear, it was bulky, uncomfortable, distracting. I love how David decided to use what he had, a slingshot. It may not have been shiny armor, the best sword, the best gear that was available for him to borrow, but it was his and he new how to use it.

Finding my way back to a 'middle ground' has been a long process. I remember when I first tried to start going back to church after the divorce and visiting so many churches in the city trying to fit in somewhere that made me feel safe. I even tried, singing again, speaking again, creating again...I never could feel right, I felt like a hollow shell. It wasn't any church's fault or one person's fault. It was me, trying to find my place. I was so dissatisfied, discontented. I thought that was what I suppose to do, that's what I thought I was called to do from the foundation of the Earth, because that's what everyone around me told me. The whole time I was pleasing everyone else except for myself. I was miserable! I always wanted to please. Then I woke up one day about 2 yrs. ago and decided, this is not me, not now at least. This armor I've been trying to wear for other's is not fitting me well. It's uncomfortable, doesn't fit me. Although, it's a beautiful armor, and many I know would envy having it, it's not mine anymore. When I released those thoughts from my mind and resolved in my heart that I was going to find what was me now, I had such a peace come over me, I can't begin to explain it to you. My relationship with God became more deep and more real over time. I let go of what other's expectations of me were and I began to live my life so that it brought glory to God and not other's.

My armor, may not be in the form of a position in the ministry anymore, or a singer or speaker, but it looks more like a 'slingshot' now. It's small in the eyes of others, but it's big in God's eyes and in mine. My aspirations and desires are different now, but they are mine. I get more joy out of doing the things that make me happy. And, when I'm happy, there is peace in my home. No more drama, no more constantly doing and living for the approval of others. I feel I am being more of a positive influence to my community and family now than ever before in my life. I encourage anyone following this blog, BE YOURSELF! Don't let other's define you, or put armor on you that doesn't fit you! You've got one life to live, so live it God's way. Trust me, He wants you happy. It's not that complicated, just 'love your neighbor as yourself'...bottom line...that's what makes 'a perfect fit'!