Tribute to my Dad...

With Father's Day approaching, I wanted to share the thoughts that consume me regarding my Dad.  We each, have our own memories, but I'm especially fond of mine, for many reasons.  I grew up in a "Preacher's Home".  My Mom & Dad were Pastor's and young parents by the age of  21.  I was born in Houston, TX then my parents moved to a couple of other towns in Texas before finally settling down in a little town in SW Louisiana called Jennings.  It was in Jennings where I started Kindergarten and grew up graduating High School in the same town.  My memories of those days are wonderful!  While my Dad was busy building a church, my Mom stayed home and raised a family.  Now, that I'm older and reflect on those years, I remember having a hard time being a 'preacher's kid'.  The eyes of the church people were always on me, judging my every move.  I couldn't sneeze without someone telling my Dad what time and where I was.  Although, we grew up under constant scrutiny, Mom & Dad always tried to keep balance in our lives.  They made time for family vacations, school activities, family get togethers...whatever it was to keep as much of a balanced home as possible.  For some years, I was angry and hurt with my parents because of their choice to be in ministry.  I mean, after all, I didn't choose that lifestyle, why should I have to be apart of their way of living.  It was a selfish thought, but I had it, nonetheless.  As I matured, I began to notice something.  My parents didn't choose their calling, but rather, the calling chose them.  


They were naturals at caring for others.  You see, in many churches today, the Pastor doesn't do what I grew up experiencing first hand.  My Dad made ALL of the visitations.  He visited the sick in the hospital, whether they were dying or just having a minor surgery.  He ministered at the local Nursing home and he actually went to the Saints' houses and prayed for the sick.  He personally dedicated babies, married couples in love and buried the losses of loved ones.  He got in the baptismal in his jeans and a T-Shirt and actually baptized people.  He went to dinner with the church folk.  He took time to support local businesses and give the Benediction at citywide events.  You see, my Dad was a TRUE 'MAN OF GOD'.  Not just one who everyone was told to respect and call 'man of god'.  No, He walked and talked everything he preached.  He lived his life the same in Public as well as at home.  He didn't treat my Mom one way at church and another at home.  He didn't have a level of lifestyle that he had to portray in order to preach about being financially blessed.  He just preached prosperity in ALL forms, not just money.  We were prosperous, and we had less than we do now.  We were prosperous because we had love, honor, hope & faith in our home.  


I am so blessed to have my Dad still with me today.  He is the same Man now that I grew up with many years ago in a little town in Louisiana on Sherman/Roberta AVe..  I've watched Mom & Dad blessed with overflowing blessings and I've seen them lose it all!  They've lost their home, cars, their parents, nieces, nephews, brothers & sisters.  Despite the horrific ups & downs they've had to encounter, I know NO ONE with more character or humility than my Mom & Dad.  Because, this Sunday is Father's Day, I wanted to especially draw attention to the man that has remained faithful, true & steadfast in my life, my Dad.  When I couldn't hold my physical body up on my own two feet,  just a few years ago during my dark hour, my Dad held me then, like he did when I was an innocent little girl.  His arms may be older now, but they gave me that same sense of security that I had growing up.  I am sooooooooo thankful and sooooo blessed to have such a wonderful father.  I know his grandkids are just as proud of him and love him just as much.  I've never heard a negative word or connotation come out of any of their mouths about their Pappy.  He is so respected and looked up too, as their Pappy.  He has balanced ministry & family with grace.  I do wish more preacher's would go back to the 'old school' way of building a church, because men like my Dad, are few and far between, but definitely needed more today!


Dad, I love you!  You are my hero, my confidant, my rock and the first man in my life.  You have shown me how a REAL Man is suppose to treat a lady and what TRUE love looks like.  Thank you just doesn't seem enough for what and who you have been to me and your grandkids.  We honor you!  You deserve the highest reward for your service in the kingdom, but you got us instead!  Hahaha...Love u dearly...angie...your oldest!

It's Taylor's Time...

I woke up this morning thinking, in just under 3 days, my youngest, Taylor, will be graduating from High School.  I remember, like it was yesterday, when I drove into Orlando, FL in a Conversion Van pulling a U-Haul trailer and checked the kids n me in to "Larson's Lodge" in Kissimmee for 2 1/2 weeks waiting for their Dad to come down and meet us as we began the journey of building our future as a family.  Taylor was only 10 months, at the time and we were moving from Columbus, Ohio, where we had worked with Rod Parsley's ministry.  I was a young parent and not sure that the path ahead would be a good one.  While I sat in a Hotel room with just Tori and Taylor, a microwave, baby bed and rocking chair, fear and anxiety about our future began to overwhelm me and tears began rolling down my face.  Questions about whether I would be able to provide for them and give them a good future came crashing in on me in this lonely room.  I looked across the room, and saw Tori laying in one of the double beds, sound asleep and I looked at the foot of her bed, where the crib was resting and Taylor was playing quietly  with his little toys.  At that moment, it's as if he knew what I needed, he smiled at me and in that smile I saw peace.  A comfort that I can't explain.  That smile let me know, he trusted me, loved me and knew I was going to take care of his needs.  


Here we are almost 18 years later, so much has transpired.  Our journey didn't go exactly as planned, but nonetheless, it has brought us to this place, where we are today.  We've been through, building a church, we moved right at 10 times over 17 years, flown all over the Nation.  I've watched my kids learn how to dance at church with 'petite posse', go to church camps, travel to visit family in other states.  I've dealt with Taylor's broken arms, broken ankles, tubes in his ears twice, adnoids removed, 6 teeth pulled, braces, swine flu, chicken pox, broken finger, dislocated arm, divorce of his parents, loss of  2 grandparents...and these are just off the top of my head.  This kid has been through it!  


Even through the battle scars and the pain, I've watched a young man develop into a Man of Greatness! Taylor has taught himself how to play the piano, guitar, and drums.  He writes songs and creates sounds for production.  His talents are as many as his young life's experiences.  Through all of the life changes that have occurred in Taylor's journey, I've watched his character develop.  Some things, I'd like to take credit for teaching him, but there are things that he was just born with...honesty, integrity, fairness, tenderness, joyful, love for God and Country...just to name a few.  


As we embark on this new phase of our journey into Adulthood and "real life", I just wanted to take this little moment I have to say how PROUD I am to have such a wonderful Son in Taylor S. Brown.  Just a few weeks ago we celebrated Tori and her accomplishments, so today is Taylor's turn.  When I gave birth to a HUGE baby boy, 9 lbs. 6 oz. (all natural birth), on July 5th, 1992, I couldn't have asked for anything more than what God gave me.   My son has brought me joy, I can't even explain.  He has a sensitive heart, a good heart.  He is one of the most observant little things, I've ever been around, even as a young boy.  He used to crouch down and hide in the pillows on my couch, and no one would know he was there, just to hear everything going on in the room.  Then he'd ask me lots of questions later about the conversations.  He always liked being around adults.  He never ran with the crowd in school, but always had friends and was respected by students and teachers.  Taylor is a leader!  He has created his own path.  He wants to be a music producer and I fully support his dreams!  He has respected and honored me, as his mother and I couldn't be more proud.


As we approach graduation day, everyone will see this strapping young man take to the podium to receive his honor, but all I will see is my little boy that brought me so much joy.  Everyone has always called Taylor...Momma's boy, and he seemed to be OK with that title.  I hope he never outgrows it!  He'll always be "Tay" to me, and I'll always remember that little smile he gave me in his crib on that day 17 years ago in Kissimmee.  Wednesday, I'll be way up high in the stands at the Amway Arena watching him have his moment below, he won't be able to see me, but I'll see him and I'll be giving him that same smile back letting him know that His future is Bright and everything's gonna be AlRIGHT!!!

Put on Your NIGHT GOGGLES!!!

Today I was reading an entry from one of my journals dated, March 25, 2003.  This was just 1 month after my separation and many mixed emotions are, in and throughout, this particular entry, but, one I find very interesting.  In the midst of my pain, I didn't realize how God was already showing me a way through.  Funny how we don't always see His Hand IN our situation but notice He was there the entire time AFTER we've come through.  It must have been the beginning of the Gulf War and there was enormous coverage on television of everything transpiring in the Middle East.  I journaled a story about some soldiers making a journey to a particular destination with a reporter by the name of David Bloom.  They had been on this journey for about 6 days in the desert and were headed to Baghdad.  David reported later, that it was a treacherous LONG and SLOW journey.  The trucks were only able to move at a pace of 20 mph.  While they were slowly moving forward they had been ferociously bombarded along the way.  He reported 20 casualties, 7 POW's, and numerous wounded in this 6 day battle.  The Infantry was beginning to tire and become discouraged when, in addition to the enormity of loss up to this point, a Sand Storm hit the brigade and virtually paralyzed the troops.  They lost all contact, for a while, with Centcom (Central Command), they hadn't heard the President speak to assure America we were going to win, and they were unable to hear about the small victories that were occurring all around.  The only thing this Infantry could see during their journey was their losses/casualties.  


As I'm reading my own entry about this time of History taking place,  I began to assimilate the events unfolding in my own life.  Although, it seems like my journey is long, and treacherous.  I feel like there have been casualties in my own household and I'm not even sure if survival is an option anymore.  I look around and I can't see anything outside of my own Sand Storm.  I'm paralyzed and blinded by my pain, loneliness and loss.  I feel like there's no way out of this storm.  I've lost contact with my own Centcom (Central Command), which is God.  I can't hear His voice, I can't see Him and the worst....I can't even feel Him.  How will I know what to do, where to go?  When will this Sand Storm end?  What's going on around me?  Is anyone out there?  I've put myself spiritually in the same place that these soldiers were physically and I'm feeling their sense of confusion and doubt.  


Then, all of a sudden, contact was made with this particular Infantry and as the reporter finished telling the story he said what got them through were a couple of things...Night Goggles, that's right!  When the vision of the road they were on began to disappear during the storm the soldiers relied on their training.  You see, their natural man was scared and wasn't sure they could make it through the storm, but their training prepared them for battle and so they knew it was time to pull out the Night Vision Goggles!  These Goggles were created to pierce through the darkness and show the way more clearly.  They were created for this purpose only!  I began to think about how that applied to my life when the Lord showed me in Psalms 119:105, His Word says, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a LIGHT unto my path".  God's Word is our NIGHT VISION GOGGLES!  Let His Word lead you.  When you don't see clearly and you can't feel him and you've lost all sense of direction in your life and there seems to be no contact with CENTCOM....let His Word guide you!  The last thing I noticed this Infantry did, was to keep moving!  They didn't let the storm halt their mission.  Even though everything was coming against them to prevent advancement, they kept moving forward.  


Don't GIVE UP!  Keep Moving FORWARD!  The pace isn't relative.  It's the fact that you don't stop, you keep advancing.  Any movement is a sign of LIFE!  Just MOVE!!!  Remember, when the path gets confusing and your way seems unclear and you've lost all contact with CENTCOM....put on your NIGHT GOGGLES!!!  His Word will always be your LIGHT to lead the way!!!