The Dreaded Valentine's Day...

I woke up this morning with Valentine's Day on my mind.  I really want to encourage the single ladies and men to do something special for YOU this Valentine's Day.  I've spent many of these special days alone, so I do know, first hand, how it feels.  Alone sucks!  Bottom line...I'm not going to try and sugar coat it.  However, YOU have to take control of where YOU are in life.  I try so hard to emphasize to so many singles how important it is to be WHOLE first, then that special someone will come along.  Why would God put two unfinished souls together?  It grieves me when I see some of my friends rush into relationships, out of fear of being alone.  We need this quiet time, to truly know who we are, and who God created us to be.  You DO NOT need another person to fulfill you!  You need YOU!  


I had to make myself do things that were uncomfortable, to push myself and my emotional limitations.  I went to the beach alone, I ate dinner at a nice restaurant alone, I've gone to the movies by myself and laughed out loud.  I've driven hundreds of mile to attend weddings, speaking engagements and just to spend time by myself in order to hear my thoughts, and feel my emotions without outside interference.  I'm not encouraging you to do something I haven't experienced.  I've had so many ask me how I did it, how I got through the pain, loneliness and rejection.  This is how...it's hard!  I started out not liking it, but then, one day, it flipped, and I began to look forward to those alone times.  As I was focusing on ME and my mental and physical well-being, God was preparing someone hand picked for me.  Needless to say, I'm glad I went through the process!  I'm glad I didn't rush into another marriage or settle for someone because of my feelings of loneliness.  I'm glad I waited!


Treat yourself this Holiday to a special day and evening.  If not a quiet night alone, celebrate with a group of friends.  Just don't sit at home and pout because everyone has someone except you.  Pity is not Pretty!  Take control of your emotional well-being.  It is the next step towards your WHOLENESS!  God wants to put two WHOLE people together, not two halves.  Work on being WHOLE...inside and out.  You may think you're ready, but it's God that determines when you've reached that time in your life.  Until then, keep working on yourself.  

8 Years!

It's been 8 years since my life took a dramatic and unsuspecting turn.  I remember this time every year, not out of sadness, but from a place of healing.  It's the anniversary of the beginning of a new era.  Words could not express the wave of dark emotions that engulfed me during that time.  I was in so much emotional pain that it began to react in my physical body.  I was so blinded by my own discomfort that I struggled focusing on my other responsibilities in life.  I trudged along for quite a while, just trying to stay alive.  I drank heavily and mixed it with anti-depressants, anxiety meds, experimented with recreational drugs...I really hit a very dark place.  I had never experienced this kind of life.  I mean I was the good girl in my younger years.  I never missed curfew or drank, smoke, etc....you name it, I didn't do it!  However, I made up for it during this season of my life.  I'm not proud of my actions during this season, but it happened, and I can tell you now, I believe I needed to go through this to realize I didn't need these things to get through life.  I went from one extreme to the other.  


Today, 8 years later, I'm WHOLE!  I'm not perfect, but I'm WHOLE!  I have forgiven those who hurt me and used me, I am free of medical and recreational drugs, I now can enjoy wine from time to time without leaning on it to help me escape.  Balance is the best choice of words for where I live now.


My kids have been such an inspiration for continuing on in this life.  My Parents have walked with me through everything and remained true even during my self-destructive years.  Then God sent me a wonderful man to show me I could trust and believe in love again.  Ryan came along in my life, not to save me, but after I began to find balance and wholeness, as I began to believe in myself.  He was just the icing on the cake!


I had support from friends, family & most of all a God that wouldn't let me go.  He held on to me and never gave up on my lack of faith.  It wasn't easy, and it took a long time, but now I know, this mountain...I climbed and I conquered! Now it's time to celebrate life and enjoy the journey free of insecurity, unforgiveness, and living again in full TRUST and LOVE!


8 the number of NEW BEGINNINGS!

Forgive...

Forgiveness...the dreaded word.  We all know we need to give it, yet, with it we all struggle.  For years, I had a difficult time forgiving certain people.  I carried anger and bitterness with me as if it were a part of my daily wardrobe.  After a while, I noticed that the very one's I harbored ill-will against seem to be going on in life as if nothing ever happened.  Of course, this angered me even more.  I wanted them to feel the pain with which I carried.  The less the other party noticed my pain, the more I noticed, I was burying myself in deeper and deeper hurt.  


I began a journey of self-discovery, because I was beginning to be mad at myself over the fact I couldn't forgive.  After a while, I challenged myself to let go of one offense at a time.  Since I couldn't let go of the BIG picture and all the faces in it that haunted me daily, I forged ahead with one offense at a time.  For me, this was the beginning.  The beginning of a long journey, but a successful one.  One offense at a time.  When others asked me how I was doing, I was honest in saying..."Well, I'm good.  I started out with so many that I felt had let me down and not been there for me when I needed them most, to now, I can at least count the ones who, to me, I had been offended or failed."  As time passed,  I went from not being able to number those with which offended me, to, finally counting them on both of my hands.  Then one day I realized, I was down to one hand.  That's right, I could count on one hand those I had trouble forgiving.  Finally, the day came...I realized I had finally forgiven everyone and every offense, with which I had struggled for so long.


What a liberating feeling!  To be able to put my head on my pillow at night and not harbor ill-will against anyone.  It took me years, to let go, but I let go.  The unforgiving spirit I carried for so long was preventing me from my future and what God had planned.  I was hindering my next level, not what had happened to me, not what others did, but ME.  It was all about ME!


Don't let an unforgiving situation or spirit hinder your next level.  Let go of the pain.  Let go of the offense.  You are the only one it's controlling and altering.  There is so much that God has planned for our lives.  We may think we've peaked and it's never going to get any better than what we're living right now.  That's a LIE! It does and CAN get better, but you have to do your part...FORGIVE!  One offense at a time.  Thank God He doesn't give us a timeline on forgiveness, He just says FORGIVE!  

Friends

Last night I had the opportunity to share an evening with old and new friends.  As I reflected on the events of the night I felt full of joy and a sense of wholeness.  It's amazing how the older, or rather the more mature, you grow in life the more you come to appreciate those that have come into your life.  Rather from years past, or those you meet for the first time and are just learning about who they are and from where in life they came.


I looked at each person that I shared the evening with, and realized I had learned something from each of them that had made me the woman I am today.  When we are younger, sometimes  we take our friendships for granted and we miss out on what could become a lifetime friend.  We become quick to cut people out of our lives thinking we don't need them, however, sometimes friendships are like a marriage...you need to stick it out because you never know what great things are on the other side of the mess. 


I believe you can surround yourself with 'toxic friends' that really end up hurting you and your progress in life, so, you need to distance yourself in order to become a healthier person.  I do believe, that some of our friendships, that we develop over our lifetime, have seasons of closeness, and then seasons of separation, if for no other reason but to grow.  Just because you may not be as close to some people today that you were close to years ago, does not mean that you should discard them or count them out of your life.  May be it was just a change of season needed for both parties to grow and mature and appreciate.


It makes my heart smile to know I have GREAT Friends!  I've had good times, bad times, times of crying, times of being humiliated and embarrassed, and times of pain with ALL of those I call friends.  But it is because of these emotions that I love my friends more today than I ever thought possible.  Friends are the sugar of life....they sweetin' the bumpy road you walk in life.  


I am fulfilled with the ones God has placed in my life!  I'm looking forward to the new ones he has yet to send my way.  Some I know very well, others I'm just getting to know.  My very dear friend, Erin said it best...I love friends that after long periods of time just pick up from where the conversation left off! 


Life is GREAT and it's because of my Friends that I am enjoying the journey!

The Power of an Apology...

Thought...


Why do we always apologize?  Especially over things for which we are not guilty.  I have spent my life apologizing for the smallest of things.  When I stopped to think about all the circumstances in which I submitted an apology, I realized how loosely this act had been used.  I believe that if you are responsible for needing to issue one then act accordingly.  Always use this special word, that excuses you from sticky situations when it is truly needed.  


I've noticed so many people loosely using this term, and it saddens me when they may not be guilty of such an act.  I've changed my focus over the years and decided to really focus on when it was time to issue an apology.  It has enriched me as an individual.  I discovered, that in the past, because I would say "I'm sorry", it didn't mean I was guilty.  However, guilty or not, because of this expression of regret, I found myself always living as a mortar or in a state of constant guilt. 


It's amazing the power of one little word or a 3 word phrase..."I'm sorry".  


It's time to start slowing down our thinking a little and focus on this...  Do we realize just exactly what we are sorry for?  Are you truly sorry for a word spoken in truth to another? However, just because that person didn't like what was said you try to save yourself by throwing out an apology to save the friendship? Meanwhile, you're actually compromising your own beliefs, out of fear, because of what another might think or feel about you.  This is called 'Emotional Control'.


Our words have power! Use them wisely. A simple apology might allow the other person the freedom to feel better but it can actually keep you in bondage, emotionally, for something in which you are not responsible.


Let me clear things up...I believe in apologies!  I give them out.  However, I refuse to give one if I believe the act was justified, or I believe what I said to be true.  If I said something to someone, that was truth but hurt them in the process...the responsibility is on their part, not mine.  I empathize with the individual  if what I said made that person feel bad, but I refuse to apologize for standing up for myself and taking a stand for something for which I believe to be true.  Don't apologize for your beliefs, your actions, or who you are, if you truly believe in your heart that you acted or spoke responsibly.  Otherwise, you will be controlled by others and their emotions over your actions.  That is just something I choose not to live with any longer.


Live Freely!  This is one way to start living outside the 'emotional control box'.

I'm Handling the Circumstances, but Living The DREAM!!!

I started the year with such vigor and excitement over a dream/desire/vision, that I had for my future.  I started making plans, moving mountains, creating ideas, just beside myself with anticipation for this dream to unfold.  


At the point, I felt invincible, you know the point at which everything is going right, you think that nothing can stop you...BAM!!!  It happens.  The bottom falls out!  


I hit a wall that came out of nowhere.  It had nothing to do with my goals and dreams.  My stumbling block had to do with my past.  The part of my life that I thought I had overcome and let go of, put behind me.  It's amazing, to me, that something you truly felt like you had been delivered from and worked at so hard to forgive and let go of could come back to threaten you.  Even many many years later down the road.  


I sulked, I cried, I lost sleep and stepped out of my life plan for a brief moment. As I mulled over the events unfolding, it came to me...although, I've made mistakes in the past, I've moved on!  I did what I was suppose to do to move past it all and now what's holding me back is me!  My perception of my past.


 I'm living in the present, and my future depends on my actions NOW!  If I allow the past to paralyze me, it still controls who I am and where I'm going.  I have to be mature enough to realize the past doesn't go away and there will be times I'll have to face it, but I WILL NOT allow it to steal the plan that is in motion for my life now.  


This is simply something the enemy is trying to trip me up with and stop the wheels in motion.  


Yep!  That's where I'm at.  It set me back a few hours or so, I didn't sleep well.  But, I woke up this morning and felt surrounded by God.  I'm realizing, that what's holding me back is my perception of my past.  I'm not going to live in Condemnation!  This is a NEW Day, A NEW Beginning!  


I encourage you to press through the perception you have of the events of your past.  You've been given a new lease on life.  A NEW Path to experience and embrace.  Don't allow people or events to detain the Promise that is alive inside of you!  Dust off all the junk and crud that is trying to bury you and stand tall, knowing that this time YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT!  This time, you WILL accomplish what you set out to do!  


So today, the sun is shining bright outside and I'm going to do my best to allow the SON to shine bright on the inside, of me!  I'm handling the circumstances, but I'm living the DREAM!

Don't Settle Here...

As I was reading my devotion this morning, I came across this scripture:


Genesis 11:31..."Terah took his son Abram,...and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan.  But, when they came to Hanan, they settled there.


Besides the fact that I could hardly pronounce any of these names, I did realize something about this...these 2 men set out on a journey to a place of promise, but while on their journey to one place, they arrived at a location that was just before their destination of promise and settled.  I thought about how many people start the year with so many goals and resolutions and along their journey throughout the year they find a place of comfort and settle.  Just missing the destination of promise.


I want to encourage you to, not allow fatigue, despair, discouragement, sickness, failure, etc.....to keep you from your destination of Promise!  You have a goal! You have a Vision!  You have a plan!  Don't quit until you see it come to pass!  Don't settle here!  During your journey this year, you may come to a place that feels safe and everything may appear to be OK.  Push through average!  Push past your comfort zone and continue toward your Canaan!  Your Promise!  Don't Settle Here! 

This year, I'm ready to exchange what is in MY hands for what is in GOD'S Hands!  No more settling!  No more just being content in my present circumstances! I'm Pressing and Pushing towards my Promise!  I love what Martin Luther King said  "I Have a Dream".  But, I'm also glad that I am going to allow that dream to come to pass THIS Year, because with God' help, I'm gonna make it happen.  Don't depend on others to fulfill your destiny.  Don't just DREAM, Go Get it for YOURSELF!  Don't depend on someone else to come along and make you happy and fulfill your heart's desires.  "...but WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, to him that believes".  I'm not only putting my Faith to work, but I'm going to work, to accomplish the goals and dreams God has given me for this year!


You can do this!  DON'T SETTLE HERE!  This is my motto for the year!