I've been studying for my Master Personal Trainer's Certification and I'm learning so much about the anatomy of the body and it's functions. There are so many revelations I'm finding that parallel with the spirit world, it is blowing my mind. One of the most recent discoveries, was how the body needs REST. Just as important as it is to push oneself to achieve optimal growth through one's workouts, it is necessary for rest. Experts call this, Muscle Recovery.
I am an avid fan of the gym and personal training. I workout on a regular basis, usually 5 days a week. I do weights and lots of cardio. I have been doing this for some time now. I've always enjoyed working out. I started about 14 years ago and really began to kick it in to HIGH gear over the past couple of years. But I found myself recently becoming fatigued. I wasn't enjoying my workouts and found myself dreading the gym everyday. As I discussed my concerns with Ryan about how I was feeling he began to share with me that I was "Over Training". Imagine that, me? Overtraining! I thought there was no such thing. However, in my studies, what Ryan shared with me, was confirmed. I began to study more about this, as well as, question Ryan a little deeper on the subject matter. He began to tell me that a person can work and work and work, over and over, in the gym, and push themselves, but there does come a time when a person can "Over Train" their muscles to the point they become fatigued and reach a plateau. A point of slowed GROWTH. When these symptoms occur, your body is telling you it is time to REST.
In order for the muscles to grow past the point you have personally pushed them, they need a time of RECOVERY. This time of RECOVERY produces GROWTH. How awesome is that?! Get this:
REST = RECOVERY = GROWTH
As I'm getting this in my brain, I'm no longer thinking about the gym. My mind at this point starts going back to my personal HELL I was in for so long. I recall the day that everything changed in my life. It was February 5, 2003. I'll never forget that day, not only because of the devastation my life was being hit with, but because it would be the beginning of the BEST of Me to come! When my world went from Sunshine to a Category 7 Hurricane (if there is such a thing), I closed myself off from everyone. The only person I allowed in my life at that time was my Parents. I literally could not trust ANYONE else. For one year, I did nothing but read books, pray and cry. I was paralyzed! After a year had passed, I began to make some decisions for myself that would ultimately change my life forever. I had no idea where these changes would take me and what would become of them, but something had to be done to move forward with my life. Over the course of the following 3 yrs. or so I laid low. I didn't get out of my house, except to grocery shop or pick the kids up from school. I closed myself off to everyone! People were concerned for my health and well-being. They meant well, but they all thought I would never recover from such a blow. They all went on with their lives, doing what they do, preaching, singing, evangelizing, building churches, having conferences...you name it. I just couldn't understand how my world seemed to have stopped but theirs kept moving forward. After this season of quietness, I began to slowly start gaining ground again in my life. I started venturing out and trying things, experiencing life, one day at a time. I dove too quickly into some things that I regret, but God's Grace & Mercy brought me through and kept me all the way. I'm sitting here 4 1/2 yrs. after my divorce and 7 yrs. since my separation began, and I am more fulfilled than ever. I have accomplished so much on my own, that I never thought possible. From getting my first cell phone in my name, on my own...to completing my Life Coaching Certification and Advanced Personal Training Certification, as well as on my way to achieving the Master's Certification in personal Training and Nutrition. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I am trying to show you, by example, that throughout my "down time", which I like to refer to as "REST" time. God was using this time in my life as "RECOVERY"!
Now, what I want to come full circle to tell you is, without the REST, you can't have RECOVERY. RECOVERY is needed in order to produce gain...or, GROWTH! Your ultimate level of GROWTH comes after the REST! You can't continue in life day after day, doing the same things over and over and expect to get greater and greater results in your personal life. Sometimes, you've got to stop, and give yourself a REST! REST your mind, your body, your will and your emotions. I can testify, that because of the time I took to myself for REST and RECOVERY, I can honestly say, I'm stronger in EVERY area of my life! I didn't know I had it in me. I really didn't. I have fought HELL and I WON! Only because of the Grace of God and REST! I'm headed further than I ever imagined in my life. GROWTH has no other choice when REST is applied and RECOVERY does it's work! My Momma used to tell me when my babies were young and I wanted to wake them up to feed them or hold them because they had been sleeping so long, she'd say NO, they need their REST. Their growing while they sleep.
Don't count someone out just because you haven't seen or heard from them in a while. They may just be RESTING for their next assignment! Look Out for them because through their REST, they will receive their RECOVERY for GROWTH!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A Virtuous Woman...Who ME?
"Who can find a Virtuous Woman...?" I've read that scripture numerous times over the years and somedays I felt like that woman, but most days I was the polar opposite. I would beat myself up for not measuring up to this woman I read about in Proverbs.
I must confess, I may have been born into the ministry and lived it all of my life but that did not mean I was a scholar of the Word. I remember in my younger days, my Mom would encourage me to read my Bible everyday. I did, and I promise you, I never comprehended a word from my readings. Back then, we only had KJV, so the Word of God wasn't simplified for my laziness. I would get so frustrated because I never understood why I had to read something I couldn't, nor thought, I would ever understand. I continued to read over the years and eventually, little by little, my understanding became enlightened.
As, I became an Adult, Wife, Mother, and Leader in the church, I had to teach on the things that I would read. It was so frustrating for me, because I was able to sing in front of thousands with ease, but when it came to speaking, I'd just as soon be covered in honey laying in an ant bed. I watched other Pastor's Wives and Women Evangelists/Prophetess/Teachers...dear God, the titles that are out there still overwhelm me. Let's just call them "Women of God". Their delivery of the Word was so polished that I stood in amazement and felt less than worthy to do the same. I was able to conjure up an idea for teaching, but when it came to delivery, I had to glean from others to create the message. Then, when I would stand to share the Word, I would leave the pulpit feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, knowing they weren't my words, but the words of the one who wrote them. I never understood why God would call me to do something I felt so uncomfortable doing, and the stress that came over me every time. I mean, all these Women of God out there, traveling the country, raising their families, Pastoring churches, writing books, leading the Worship for their churches...I could go on. They had a multiplicity of talents that I wish I had just ONE of to share with ease. They seemed to juggle so much with such grace. I hated them...LOL, not really, but I was envious. It appeared I had it going on from the outside, to many, because I wore all the right clothes, drove the nice cars, lived in the big house, traveled many places and knew a lot of, what the church world, considers important people. Inside, I was dead! I was so far from the Virtuous Woman, I was the example of who NOT to follow! I had people around me that loved me so much they would do anything for me, including, put a cloth over my lap, wipe the sweat from my forehead, fetch me water, drop off and pick up my kids from the children's ministry...and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but by allowing them to assist me, I slowly lost my essence. That character trait that I needed to develop into the VIRTUOUS WOMAN, God wanted me to become on my own. Instead, of me helping THEM find their place in the Kingdom, I allowed them to assist me in mine. I failed them in that respect.
A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, is not just the characteristics of a single female that existed in the Bible. She was a combination of the greatness of many women. I misunderstood that text for years. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, sometimes, so it has taken me a while to see this. This woman is a woman I should aspire to become. If I could just accomplish 1/4 of who this woman was, God would be proud. We try so hard, especially women, to be like other women and we base that desire on what we see, not what we know. It's good to have role models (i.e. the virtuous woman), but it's GREAT to be who YOU are to your family and friends. What do you have to offer them from your life?
The VIRTUOUS WOMAN was a facade, someone who existed only in a saying, but, the characteristics of that woman came from women like you and me that were just doing and being what God called US to be to our own family and friends. Don't be down on yourself because you can't BE and DO it all. Take one thing you're good at and multiply that gift with consistency, care and courage. Then one day, who knows, what will develop out of your faithfulness. You might have to lay some things down and pick other things up in order to be more like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN. Allow yourself to be sensitive in that area and know the right thing. Remember, if you have doubt where to begin, let me help you...YOUR FAMILY, because they are the foundation we should build on to secure our future. Be your OWN version of the VIRTUOUS WOMAN! We don't need duplicates, only originals!
I must confess, I may have been born into the ministry and lived it all of my life but that did not mean I was a scholar of the Word. I remember in my younger days, my Mom would encourage me to read my Bible everyday. I did, and I promise you, I never comprehended a word from my readings. Back then, we only had KJV, so the Word of God wasn't simplified for my laziness. I would get so frustrated because I never understood why I had to read something I couldn't, nor thought, I would ever understand. I continued to read over the years and eventually, little by little, my understanding became enlightened.
As, I became an Adult, Wife, Mother, and Leader in the church, I had to teach on the things that I would read. It was so frustrating for me, because I was able to sing in front of thousands with ease, but when it came to speaking, I'd just as soon be covered in honey laying in an ant bed. I watched other Pastor's Wives and Women Evangelists/Prophetess/Teachers...dear God, the titles that are out there still overwhelm me. Let's just call them "Women of God". Their delivery of the Word was so polished that I stood in amazement and felt less than worthy to do the same. I was able to conjure up an idea for teaching, but when it came to delivery, I had to glean from others to create the message. Then, when I would stand to share the Word, I would leave the pulpit feeling an overwhelming sense of failure, knowing they weren't my words, but the words of the one who wrote them. I never understood why God would call me to do something I felt so uncomfortable doing, and the stress that came over me every time. I mean, all these Women of God out there, traveling the country, raising their families, Pastoring churches, writing books, leading the Worship for their churches...I could go on. They had a multiplicity of talents that I wish I had just ONE of to share with ease. They seemed to juggle so much with such grace. I hated them...LOL, not really, but I was envious. It appeared I had it going on from the outside, to many, because I wore all the right clothes, drove the nice cars, lived in the big house, traveled many places and knew a lot of, what the church world, considers important people. Inside, I was dead! I was so far from the Virtuous Woman, I was the example of who NOT to follow! I had people around me that loved me so much they would do anything for me, including, put a cloth over my lap, wipe the sweat from my forehead, fetch me water, drop off and pick up my kids from the children's ministry...and so much more. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, but by allowing them to assist me, I slowly lost my essence. That character trait that I needed to develop into the VIRTUOUS WOMAN, God wanted me to become on my own. Instead, of me helping THEM find their place in the Kingdom, I allowed them to assist me in mine. I failed them in that respect.
A VIRTUOUS WOMAN, is not just the characteristics of a single female that existed in the Bible. She was a combination of the greatness of many women. I misunderstood that text for years. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, sometimes, so it has taken me a while to see this. This woman is a woman I should aspire to become. If I could just accomplish 1/4 of who this woman was, God would be proud. We try so hard, especially women, to be like other women and we base that desire on what we see, not what we know. It's good to have role models (i.e. the virtuous woman), but it's GREAT to be who YOU are to your family and friends. What do you have to offer them from your life?
The VIRTUOUS WOMAN was a facade, someone who existed only in a saying, but, the characteristics of that woman came from women like you and me that were just doing and being what God called US to be to our own family and friends. Don't be down on yourself because you can't BE and DO it all. Take one thing you're good at and multiply that gift with consistency, care and courage. Then one day, who knows, what will develop out of your faithfulness. You might have to lay some things down and pick other things up in order to be more like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN. Allow yourself to be sensitive in that area and know the right thing. Remember, if you have doubt where to begin, let me help you...YOUR FAMILY, because they are the foundation we should build on to secure our future. Be your OWN version of the VIRTUOUS WOMAN! We don't need duplicates, only originals!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Note from a Former Pastor/Pastor's Wife...
It's the day after the Biggest day of the week for Pastors & their Wives and the pressure begins again. The questions begin...'I wonder how people thought the service went?, I wonder if lives were truly changed?, Did we lose anybody today?, I wonder where Bro. so-in-so was, or was Sis. so-in-so mad at me about something? She sure had a scowl look on her face the whole service. Did we make our budget in the offerings this week?, Will we be able to make payroll?...' the questions go on and on and on. It's been a while since I've had those concerns. I stepped out of that scene about 7 yrs. ago, yet I can still hear the ghostly questions in my mind from time to time. Especially, if I visit a church.
When I woke up this morning something pulled me towards a safe I have in my room that has been collecting dust for the past 4 yrs. Within the locked safe, are all of my journals from my journey over the past 10 years. There are so many secrets and dark things in them, I've stayed away from them until now. I've tried on a number of occasions to read them, but found myself weeping and hyperventilating from the torment my mind was in, not so long ago. Today, I found the courage to delve back in them, and found an entry documenting this time in my life where I was overwhelmed with my duties as Pastor, Pastor's Wife, Mother, Friend, Daughter...oh, yeah and just being ME, whoever that was. You see, there was not a ME. Don't get me wrong, I didn't despise my other roles, I just lost who I was in the process of helping others find themselves. I gave up Me, for the sake of others to find themselves. Not the most healthy path to take, but I took it, nonetheless. At the time of my journal posting, I was so mad at the church and the people in it for stealing my family. Then, when I knew I had given my all to serving the people, there would inevitably be that one person you do the most for, start running their mouth about you. I was really angry...for a long time. I was ready to give up Christianity, Church...the whole ball of wax. Was it truly all worth the sacrifice of my family & my sanity? Is this the extent of my calling? I mean to deal with ungrateful spoiled church folk and cliquish Pastors & their Wives? I apologize for my forthrightness, but these are honest emotions that I went through and I know first hand that a few, and I do mean a few, because I didn't have many 'true' friends as Pastor's Wives, were feeling. There was maybe one or two Pastor's Wives that I felt I could talk to about how I was feeling, but even they, in the end of my reign...lol, disappeared when I needed friends the most. I felt like I was in a Sorority/Fraternity and I had just got voted out.
Where do Pastor's/Pastor's Wives go when they need guidance? It was the burning question, that I lived with for years. I mean, when I went through my divorce, the "man of God" that was suppose to be OUR Pastor decided he didn't need to be MY Pastor anymore. I truly lost faith in the System that was suppose to cover & protect me spiritually....but that's another story for another time. Now that I'm 'out of the loop', so to speak, I can breathe again. I can hear God again. I have a renewed Family. I'm Happy! I let other people's JUNK, clutter my being. God didn't call me or anyone else to be that type of person. He said we are ALL 'the head & NOT the tail'...'above & NOT beneath'.
For Pastor's/Pastor's Wives who are reading this, this may the last one you read because I might have offended you, but I'm talking from MY experience. I'm sure there are many that never went through what I experienced. But, I know there are some that deal with some of these very same issues and have no resolution to glean from for relief or direction. All I can say is, DON'T GIVE UP! If He called you He will equip you for the calling. I didn't have a choice to finish what I started, but some of you don't have a choice to leave when things get tough. God is your strength and will guide you. I encourage you to make time for yourself. You can be of NO help to anyone if you lose yourself in the journey. Saints, if you read this, give your leadership a break! You are not the only people needing attention. God gave you your own spirit man and told you to 'work out your OWN salvation'. Grow Up!
I don't know why I chose to write about this today. But I'm not apologizing for it, because I felt a strong urgency to share my heart. I write this in love and humility. God has renewed my mind & faith in so many areas and I do hope you will open your mind & heart and allow him entrance to do the same for you!
When I woke up this morning something pulled me towards a safe I have in my room that has been collecting dust for the past 4 yrs. Within the locked safe, are all of my journals from my journey over the past 10 years. There are so many secrets and dark things in them, I've stayed away from them until now. I've tried on a number of occasions to read them, but found myself weeping and hyperventilating from the torment my mind was in, not so long ago. Today, I found the courage to delve back in them, and found an entry documenting this time in my life where I was overwhelmed with my duties as Pastor, Pastor's Wife, Mother, Friend, Daughter...oh, yeah and just being ME, whoever that was. You see, there was not a ME. Don't get me wrong, I didn't despise my other roles, I just lost who I was in the process of helping others find themselves. I gave up Me, for the sake of others to find themselves. Not the most healthy path to take, but I took it, nonetheless. At the time of my journal posting, I was so mad at the church and the people in it for stealing my family. Then, when I knew I had given my all to serving the people, there would inevitably be that one person you do the most for, start running their mouth about you. I was really angry...for a long time. I was ready to give up Christianity, Church...the whole ball of wax. Was it truly all worth the sacrifice of my family & my sanity? Is this the extent of my calling? I mean to deal with ungrateful spoiled church folk and cliquish Pastors & their Wives? I apologize for my forthrightness, but these are honest emotions that I went through and I know first hand that a few, and I do mean a few, because I didn't have many 'true' friends as Pastor's Wives, were feeling. There was maybe one or two Pastor's Wives that I felt I could talk to about how I was feeling, but even they, in the end of my reign...lol, disappeared when I needed friends the most. I felt like I was in a Sorority/Fraternity and I had just got voted out.
Where do Pastor's/Pastor's Wives go when they need guidance? It was the burning question, that I lived with for years. I mean, when I went through my divorce, the "man of God" that was suppose to be OUR Pastor decided he didn't need to be MY Pastor anymore. I truly lost faith in the System that was suppose to cover & protect me spiritually....but that's another story for another time. Now that I'm 'out of the loop', so to speak, I can breathe again. I can hear God again. I have a renewed Family. I'm Happy! I let other people's JUNK, clutter my being. God didn't call me or anyone else to be that type of person. He said we are ALL 'the head & NOT the tail'...'above & NOT beneath'.
For Pastor's/Pastor's Wives who are reading this, this may the last one you read because I might have offended you, but I'm talking from MY experience. I'm sure there are many that never went through what I experienced. But, I know there are some that deal with some of these very same issues and have no resolution to glean from for relief or direction. All I can say is, DON'T GIVE UP! If He called you He will equip you for the calling. I didn't have a choice to finish what I started, but some of you don't have a choice to leave when things get tough. God is your strength and will guide you. I encourage you to make time for yourself. You can be of NO help to anyone if you lose yourself in the journey. Saints, if you read this, give your leadership a break! You are not the only people needing attention. God gave you your own spirit man and told you to 'work out your OWN salvation'. Grow Up!
I don't know why I chose to write about this today. But I'm not apologizing for it, because I felt a strong urgency to share my heart. I write this in love and humility. God has renewed my mind & faith in so many areas and I do hope you will open your mind & heart and allow him entrance to do the same for you!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Dry Places
Today is a Monday, it's raining outside and very gloomy. I used to hate these kind of days. They seemed to make me even more depressed than usual. But today, as I look out, I can still hear the birds singing piercing through the deluge of rain. Encouragement came all over me. Although the sun isn't shining and the clouds are grey, it's because of the rain, that the dry ground, now has moisture. The dry places are nourished again. The flowers and plants that had wilted were now perky and showing life. The pond behind my house that had began to dry up was filling back up again. All the areas that longed for nourishment were finally getting well deserved water.
I can relate to the vegetation that was drying up for lack of rain. I've been there, I'm sure you have experienced 'dry places' as well. We, sometimes, don't even realize the areas in our lives that have dried up and need the rain. Once it comes, though, we come alive inside. There is a scripture in the Bible that refers to us allowing God to 'wash us with the watering of His Word'. We need to allow God's Word into our lives, daily, so that it can't nourish the dry bones, renew the areas of our lives that have become parched. When we allow the 'dry places' in our lives to remain dry, then, when the 'fires of life' come upon us we can become consumed with nothing left but ashes. It's important to let God's Word 'wash' these places so that life will bloom again and the chance for our ashes being blown away are not possible.
Let God wash your 'dry places' with His Word today. Ignore 'man's dead words', you know, those words that don't bring life to you. Find a time today to hear God's voice or simply read a 'daily devotion' and pour His 'Word's of Life' into your soul for nourishment. Start your week off right...Your BEST is YET to come!
I can relate to the vegetation that was drying up for lack of rain. I've been there, I'm sure you have experienced 'dry places' as well. We, sometimes, don't even realize the areas in our lives that have dried up and need the rain. Once it comes, though, we come alive inside. There is a scripture in the Bible that refers to us allowing God to 'wash us with the watering of His Word'. We need to allow God's Word into our lives, daily, so that it can't nourish the dry bones, renew the areas of our lives that have become parched. When we allow the 'dry places' in our lives to remain dry, then, when the 'fires of life' come upon us we can become consumed with nothing left but ashes. It's important to let God's Word 'wash' these places so that life will bloom again and the chance for our ashes being blown away are not possible.
Let God wash your 'dry places' with His Word today. Ignore 'man's dead words', you know, those words that don't bring life to you. Find a time today to hear God's voice or simply read a 'daily devotion' and pour His 'Word's of Life' into your soul for nourishment. Start your week off right...Your BEST is YET to come!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Crack Pot...
Thank God for 'Cracked Pots'! I read a story the other day that summed up my whole life. It was a story about a 'cracked pot'. The Bible tells us that God is the Potter and we are the clay. He puts us on His wheel and begins the molding process. Sometimes the pot is made easily and off the wheel it goes to be a Vessel used for different purposes. Other times, in the process of being on the wheel, the clay may clump or become uneven and then the Potter must manipulate it a bit to create the desired outcome. For some vessels, the process takes longer than others, but eventually the vessel comes off of the wheel and is used for a purpose by it's creator.
I've always loved this story of how the Potter creates the vessel, because it is a symbolic story of how God molded us, and it really helped me appreciate myself more because of the process of the molding and shaping. However, I wanted to think past the creation process and understand what happens to the vessel after it's created. What happens if the pot drops, and is broken? What happens if there is a crack in the vessel that is only discovered later down the road? What if it's used so many times that it begins to show wear & tear? (Maybe I think too much...lol). As I began to think all of these questions through, the Lord showed me how 'cracked pots' are more valuable to Him. You see, with a 'cracked pot', you can see what's inside. From within, the light shines. If the pot was a 'perfect vessel', you would not be able to see the light. In a 'cracked pot', if you poured some type of liquid inside, what you poured in would begin to leak out. This just excited me even more! I asked the Lord, 'you mean to tell me, that because I'm broken, it helps more than if I was perfect?' Absolutely! God uses 'cracked pots'! How insane is that!? I'm a cracked pot! Hahaha! The perfect vessel hides what's inside. You can't see anything! Oh, but the 'cracked pot' illuminates from the inside out! That is how important what you put in your spirit, mind & body!
About 7 years ago around this time of year, I was in the beginning of the darkest time of my life. I had taken my kids down south to get away from all of the media influx and just basically take a breath. I brought along my sister in law and her kids. The morning after we arrived at our destination, we got up and she was helping me make the bed when she looked at me and said, 'what's wrong with your face?' I paused and said, well it could be a number of things. Of course, I thought she was just trying to make me laugh, but she continued with concern and said, 'No, Angie, the right side of your face is frozen.' I panicked and ran to the mirror to see what was going on and sure enough, I couldn't blink my eye or smile or move the whole right side of my face. Well, I contacted a local Dr. that met me and told me, of all things, I had a condition known as 'Bells Palsy'. Paralyzation of the facial muscles. This could last a few days or go on for years. There was no cure only medications and exercises to help you through the process. As I sat there, in total shock, I asked how this could happen. The Dr. told me it was due to 'stress'...my reaction, well ...let's just say, it was one of many words that I deem inappropriate for reading...On top of all the other stuff I was dealing with, NOW THIS! I asked God...'are you trying to torture me to death? Why not just take me out now so I'm not even more Humiliated?' Seriously, You have no idea the mountain of, excuse me for saying this, but, 'CRAP', that was being piled on me on a daily basis. Well, after my little pity party, I told everyone, I needed to run to the store, so I left, and as I was driving down the road, I came to a traffic light and viewed myself in the mirror and saw this pitiful face...at that moment, I knew I had 2 options...POUT or PRAISE...long story short, I chose PRAISE. I'm gonna praise my way out of this. I went back to my family and when I walked in the room, they were walking on egg shells wondering how to react to what I was going through. I looked at them, and told them to watch me drink this glass of water. As I did, the water ran down my face and all over my shirt. Taylor started to laugh then caught himself and I said, laugh, it's OK, because that's what Momma's gonna do....laugh! We are gonna laugh our way through this one. I'm tired of crying about my circumstances! So we did, for 5 months...we laughed! I literally laughed my way through 'Bells Palsy' and every time I had a chance to take pics of myself in that condition I did. I wanted to remind myself of where I was when God turned my situation around with laughter.
I know this was a bit of a long story, but I had to tell it, somebody needs to hear that just because you are a 'cracked pot', you can still let light, love & laughter shine through you. My 'Bells Palsy' moment was the beginning of my becoming a 'Cracked Pot' and I thank God today for 'CRACKED POTS'!
I've always loved this story of how the Potter creates the vessel, because it is a symbolic story of how God molded us, and it really helped me appreciate myself more because of the process of the molding and shaping. However, I wanted to think past the creation process and understand what happens to the vessel after it's created. What happens if the pot drops, and is broken? What happens if there is a crack in the vessel that is only discovered later down the road? What if it's used so many times that it begins to show wear & tear? (Maybe I think too much...lol). As I began to think all of these questions through, the Lord showed me how 'cracked pots' are more valuable to Him. You see, with a 'cracked pot', you can see what's inside. From within, the light shines. If the pot was a 'perfect vessel', you would not be able to see the light. In a 'cracked pot', if you poured some type of liquid inside, what you poured in would begin to leak out. This just excited me even more! I asked the Lord, 'you mean to tell me, that because I'm broken, it helps more than if I was perfect?' Absolutely! God uses 'cracked pots'! How insane is that!? I'm a cracked pot! Hahaha! The perfect vessel hides what's inside. You can't see anything! Oh, but the 'cracked pot' illuminates from the inside out! That is how important what you put in your spirit, mind & body!
About 7 years ago around this time of year, I was in the beginning of the darkest time of my life. I had taken my kids down south to get away from all of the media influx and just basically take a breath. I brought along my sister in law and her kids. The morning after we arrived at our destination, we got up and she was helping me make the bed when she looked at me and said, 'what's wrong with your face?' I paused and said, well it could be a number of things. Of course, I thought she was just trying to make me laugh, but she continued with concern and said, 'No, Angie, the right side of your face is frozen.' I panicked and ran to the mirror to see what was going on and sure enough, I couldn't blink my eye or smile or move the whole right side of my face. Well, I contacted a local Dr. that met me and told me, of all things, I had a condition known as 'Bells Palsy'. Paralyzation of the facial muscles. This could last a few days or go on for years. There was no cure only medications and exercises to help you through the process. As I sat there, in total shock, I asked how this could happen. The Dr. told me it was due to 'stress'...my reaction, well ...let's just say, it was one of many words that I deem inappropriate for reading...On top of all the other stuff I was dealing with, NOW THIS! I asked God...'are you trying to torture me to death? Why not just take me out now so I'm not even more Humiliated?' Seriously, You have no idea the mountain of, excuse me for saying this, but, 'CRAP', that was being piled on me on a daily basis. Well, after my little pity party, I told everyone, I needed to run to the store, so I left, and as I was driving down the road, I came to a traffic light and viewed myself in the mirror and saw this pitiful face...at that moment, I knew I had 2 options...POUT or PRAISE...long story short, I chose PRAISE. I'm gonna praise my way out of this. I went back to my family and when I walked in the room, they were walking on egg shells wondering how to react to what I was going through. I looked at them, and told them to watch me drink this glass of water. As I did, the water ran down my face and all over my shirt. Taylor started to laugh then caught himself and I said, laugh, it's OK, because that's what Momma's gonna do....laugh! We are gonna laugh our way through this one. I'm tired of crying about my circumstances! So we did, for 5 months...we laughed! I literally laughed my way through 'Bells Palsy' and every time I had a chance to take pics of myself in that condition I did. I wanted to remind myself of where I was when God turned my situation around with laughter.
I know this was a bit of a long story, but I had to tell it, somebody needs to hear that just because you are a 'cracked pot', you can still let light, love & laughter shine through you. My 'Bells Palsy' moment was the beginning of my becoming a 'Cracked Pot' and I thank God today for 'CRACKED POTS'!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
A Moment, Please...
Today was one of those days...it started out good, but for some reason, I was feeling very emotional all day. I can't explain it, just 'one of those days'. When these days come up on me, I'm rarely prepared for them. I mean, really, how do you prepare for a day of emotional stress? For me, it differs from time to time. My 'moment' today was one of feeling tired, overwhelmed, concerned about the future, anxious about tomorrow, the 'what if's' and 'what about's' of every day life. I call these times 'my moments'. A moment where it's just best for everyone in my life if I step away for a couple of hours or so and take time to breathe & reflect.
I may be the only one who feels this way, but I woke up today wishing I didn't have to make any decisions, pay any bills, balance any accounts, answer any questions, walk or feed the dogs, feed the kids or clean the house, oh and on and on the list goes. I just plain didn't want to do anything. It was a moment of 'numbness' to everything around me. I didn't want the radio or TV on, I didn't want to answer the phones or talk to anyone. This may make me sound like a selfish person, I don't know, but, all I did know is I needed 'a moment'.
You know, a moment to just sit on a bench and stare into space, a moment to stop the 'merry go round' in my head, a moment to just be invisible. These moments don't make us inhuman, but rather real. It's important to have moments like these so we can stop the 'roller coaster' of life, get off and catch our footing. I spent Mother's Day at the Theme Parks and rode 4 Roller Coasters in one afternoon with my kids. After I stepped off of each one, I was wobbly & shaken, my equilibrium was off a bit. It took me 'a moment' to start walking straight again. Our lives are a little bit like that. We get to moving & going so much that we lose our footing. We have to step off for 'a moment' to get us back on track. These moments don't mean you're depressed or slipping backwards. They simply mean it's time to take 'a moment' for yourself. Step away from everything and just breathe. Everything will still be waiting for you when you decide to get back in the game, but for just 'a moment', just let your mind go blank and sit in silence. I used to be so afraid of silence, but now I welcome the serenity of no noise. It is soothing and therapeutic to the mind, body & soul.
I don't know when your 'moment' might stop by for a visit, but when it does, embrace whatever emotions come on you. They're your true feelings, and they are OK to feel. God gave them to you and he will help you through them.
Take 'your moment'...you deserve it!
I may be the only one who feels this way, but I woke up today wishing I didn't have to make any decisions, pay any bills, balance any accounts, answer any questions, walk or feed the dogs, feed the kids or clean the house, oh and on and on the list goes. I just plain didn't want to do anything. It was a moment of 'numbness' to everything around me. I didn't want the radio or TV on, I didn't want to answer the phones or talk to anyone. This may make me sound like a selfish person, I don't know, but, all I did know is I needed 'a moment'.
You know, a moment to just sit on a bench and stare into space, a moment to stop the 'merry go round' in my head, a moment to just be invisible. These moments don't make us inhuman, but rather real. It's important to have moments like these so we can stop the 'roller coaster' of life, get off and catch our footing. I spent Mother's Day at the Theme Parks and rode 4 Roller Coasters in one afternoon with my kids. After I stepped off of each one, I was wobbly & shaken, my equilibrium was off a bit. It took me 'a moment' to start walking straight again. Our lives are a little bit like that. We get to moving & going so much that we lose our footing. We have to step off for 'a moment' to get us back on track. These moments don't mean you're depressed or slipping backwards. They simply mean it's time to take 'a moment' for yourself. Step away from everything and just breathe. Everything will still be waiting for you when you decide to get back in the game, but for just 'a moment', just let your mind go blank and sit in silence. I used to be so afraid of silence, but now I welcome the serenity of no noise. It is soothing and therapeutic to the mind, body & soul.
I don't know when your 'moment' might stop by for a visit, but when it does, embrace whatever emotions come on you. They're your true feelings, and they are OK to feel. God gave them to you and he will help you through them.
Take 'your moment'...you deserve it!
Friday, May 7, 2010
A Letter to My Mom
Dear Mom,
I just wanted to thank you for everything you are and have been in my life. I have never known someone with such conviction, devotion and class. I think back when I was growing up and how I treated you like there was no one else in your life but me. I didn't realize then, but I guess I was kind of selfish to think such a thing. But the uniqueness about this is, you actually made me feel that way even though you were juggling so many other things at the same time. I remember you serving along side Dad at our church. You were the best example of a Pastor's Wife I've ever seen. You were there for the people of the church. Hosting Women's meetings, decorating the church for every special occasion, dedicating babies, being at church members weddings, births, and funerals. Making Hospital visits, counseling, the list goes on. You always planned our twice a year vacations. Even though we were on vacation you instilled the value of going to church wherever we were vacationing. So if we were out of town on Sunday, we found a church and attended. You never missed an event I sang for, you never missed a game I marched in, you made my clothes with your own hands and was there to support me in all of my pageants and competitions. I was never alone. Yet you were still there for my siblings and taking care of MawMaw & MeMaw. I watched you & Dad care for your Parents, driving them to the grocery stores, church, Walmart, wherever they wanted to go, and making sure we spent personal time with them. Then there were the Sunday Lunches when all of our families would get together for Roast Dinner. I'll never forget how special you made the Holidays. For Christmas, we had the Big Tree, flocked white with tons of presents underneath...for Halloween you were the Wicked Witch and our Church Parsonage was the Haunted House, for Valentine's you made out all of our cards for us to give out at school, for Easter you decorated our Easter eggs and prepared surprise Easter Baskets for us to open and planned egg hunts. When we had projects due at school, you helped us to make the best one's. You were a Room Mother and a Substitute Teacher. I never saw you take time for you. I only saw you giving yourself to others.
There are so many things that you did to make my life Fun and Unforgettable...I could go on and on and on...but these are just a few things that I remember. I recall these things because this weekend is Mother's Day and I wanted to honor You as the GREATEST Woman I know. You have given me such a great example to follow in life. I may not have done things the way you taught me to do them and I may not have all of the 'ladylike' qualities you wanted me to have, but the one thing I did get from you, Mom is FAITH! You've given me the foundation of Hope, Faith & Love that has gotten me through some of the darkest of times. You've taught me to be, at least try to be, the BEST person I could be and not take anyone for granted. You taught me about 'true' love and what it looks like and feels like. You've been a Phenomenal Grandmother. I am so thankful that God hand picked YOU for my Mother. He couldn't have made a better choice. You make life look so easy. Thank you for never compromising who you are and for having Beliefs and Convictions. They are the cornerstone of my life today.
I Love You, Mom...I can only hope to be half the Woman you have been in my life.
angie
I just wanted to thank you for everything you are and have been in my life. I have never known someone with such conviction, devotion and class. I think back when I was growing up and how I treated you like there was no one else in your life but me. I didn't realize then, but I guess I was kind of selfish to think such a thing. But the uniqueness about this is, you actually made me feel that way even though you were juggling so many other things at the same time. I remember you serving along side Dad at our church. You were the best example of a Pastor's Wife I've ever seen. You were there for the people of the church. Hosting Women's meetings, decorating the church for every special occasion, dedicating babies, being at church members weddings, births, and funerals. Making Hospital visits, counseling, the list goes on. You always planned our twice a year vacations. Even though we were on vacation you instilled the value of going to church wherever we were vacationing. So if we were out of town on Sunday, we found a church and attended. You never missed an event I sang for, you never missed a game I marched in, you made my clothes with your own hands and was there to support me in all of my pageants and competitions. I was never alone. Yet you were still there for my siblings and taking care of MawMaw & MeMaw. I watched you & Dad care for your Parents, driving them to the grocery stores, church, Walmart, wherever they wanted to go, and making sure we spent personal time with them. Then there were the Sunday Lunches when all of our families would get together for Roast Dinner. I'll never forget how special you made the Holidays. For Christmas, we had the Big Tree, flocked white with tons of presents underneath...for Halloween you were the Wicked Witch and our Church Parsonage was the Haunted House, for Valentine's you made out all of our cards for us to give out at school, for Easter you decorated our Easter eggs and prepared surprise Easter Baskets for us to open and planned egg hunts. When we had projects due at school, you helped us to make the best one's. You were a Room Mother and a Substitute Teacher. I never saw you take time for you. I only saw you giving yourself to others.
There are so many things that you did to make my life Fun and Unforgettable...I could go on and on and on...but these are just a few things that I remember. I recall these things because this weekend is Mother's Day and I wanted to honor You as the GREATEST Woman I know. You have given me such a great example to follow in life. I may not have done things the way you taught me to do them and I may not have all of the 'ladylike' qualities you wanted me to have, but the one thing I did get from you, Mom is FAITH! You've given me the foundation of Hope, Faith & Love that has gotten me through some of the darkest of times. You've taught me to be, at least try to be, the BEST person I could be and not take anyone for granted. You taught me about 'true' love and what it looks like and feels like. You've been a Phenomenal Grandmother. I am so thankful that God hand picked YOU for my Mother. He couldn't have made a better choice. You make life look so easy. Thank you for never compromising who you are and for having Beliefs and Convictions. They are the cornerstone of my life today.
I Love You, Mom...I can only hope to be half the Woman you have been in my life.
angie
Monday, May 3, 2010
It's Tori's Time...
I don't like to write about my kids's personal struggle through the divorce because it's their story to tell if and when they choose to discuss their feelings during that time. However, the good things that came out of it I love to tell. Particularly, this one...Tori, my oldest, will be graduating on Wednesday night this week with her GED! I am so proud of her! It has been quite the journey up to this point. She was 14 when the separation/divorce started and was leaving Private School which she had attended all of her life and going into Public High School. Well, I guess I don't need to tell anyone with a teenager how difficult that transition from Middle School to High School can be alone, much less after being in Private for so many years.
When the separation came, Tori was hurt but in true 'Tori Form' she was a trooper. She found the strength she needed to persevere and she did. She's always been the "life of the party". When she walks into a room, people notice because she is so full of life and never meets a stranger. I remember during this time our home was shifting emotionally & physically, Tori was being bombarded on all sides. You know, some people can be so cruel. Don't ever think that just because someone says they are "Christian" and attend Church that automatically makes them a "Christian". Not So! I remember, the struggles she had transitioning into high school and dealing with the divorce of her parents. She would get approached at church by some questioning her about our personal lives and asking who was at fault? Which one left first? Will they get back together? What's going on? I mean the questions some adults ask kids in a personal time is quite astounding! There was no regard to her well-being, just nosey people, asking nosey questions. So when it was time to start High School, she thought this might be a reprieve from some who were a little too close to the situation. What none of us expected was the onslaught she would get from school.
Tori started High School like every other student did, however, our situation was a little different than the average divorce. Because of the success of her Dad and My ministry, we didn't realize the media would be so involved in our family struggle. They pounced her at school. Reporters showed up and tried to get interviews with her before and after school and then a couple of her teachers chimed in on how they felt about what was going on in her home life. It was a Nightmare! I went to the school and had a meeting with all of her teachers and most were understanding but there was a couple that just had it in for her because of her Dad and myself. It was unfair that they would treat our child with such animosity that she didn't deserve.
After watching the struggle she had with trying to fit in and concentrate on her studies and do her work. We had no other choice but to withdraw her and try to enroll her in a private christian school where there would be more understanding...or so we thought. Her Dad and I took her for a tour of the BEST School in Orlando and had hopes that there she would be protected and could pursue her education like a regular student. WRONG, they refused her because of all the publicity and controversy surrounding her family at the time. She wasn't "right" for the school. I was so frustrated and discouraged and hurt for her. We decided to allow her to go to a local Community College and take the GED course and get her education. Long story short and 3 tests later at the age of 21...My girl is Graduating! She has been such a trooper and for so long I kicked myself over the price she had to pay for the struggles her Dad and I were going through. But, I do feel that this process made her Stronger, a Fighter, a Woman of Purpose! I love her and I am so Proud of her accomplishment through all of her struggles. She desires to go on to college after this and see what might interest her. I fully support her in this endeavor.
I just had to share this with whoever is following my blogs. You may be or know someone who has given up on their education for whatever reasons. And they are all valid reasons. Whatever the case, keep going, keep working towards achieving your goals...in the end, it will bring you an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and well-being! Don't let time steal your destiny. Don't let age stand in the way of getting what belongs to you! It's never too late!
When the separation came, Tori was hurt but in true 'Tori Form' she was a trooper. She found the strength she needed to persevere and she did. She's always been the "life of the party". When she walks into a room, people notice because she is so full of life and never meets a stranger. I remember during this time our home was shifting emotionally & physically, Tori was being bombarded on all sides. You know, some people can be so cruel. Don't ever think that just because someone says they are "Christian" and attend Church that automatically makes them a "Christian". Not So! I remember, the struggles she had transitioning into high school and dealing with the divorce of her parents. She would get approached at church by some questioning her about our personal lives and asking who was at fault? Which one left first? Will they get back together? What's going on? I mean the questions some adults ask kids in a personal time is quite astounding! There was no regard to her well-being, just nosey people, asking nosey questions. So when it was time to start High School, she thought this might be a reprieve from some who were a little too close to the situation. What none of us expected was the onslaught she would get from school.
Tori started High School like every other student did, however, our situation was a little different than the average divorce. Because of the success of her Dad and My ministry, we didn't realize the media would be so involved in our family struggle. They pounced her at school. Reporters showed up and tried to get interviews with her before and after school and then a couple of her teachers chimed in on how they felt about what was going on in her home life. It was a Nightmare! I went to the school and had a meeting with all of her teachers and most were understanding but there was a couple that just had it in for her because of her Dad and myself. It was unfair that they would treat our child with such animosity that she didn't deserve.
After watching the struggle she had with trying to fit in and concentrate on her studies and do her work. We had no other choice but to withdraw her and try to enroll her in a private christian school where there would be more understanding...or so we thought. Her Dad and I took her for a tour of the BEST School in Orlando and had hopes that there she would be protected and could pursue her education like a regular student. WRONG, they refused her because of all the publicity and controversy surrounding her family at the time. She wasn't "right" for the school. I was so frustrated and discouraged and hurt for her. We decided to allow her to go to a local Community College and take the GED course and get her education. Long story short and 3 tests later at the age of 21...My girl is Graduating! She has been such a trooper and for so long I kicked myself over the price she had to pay for the struggles her Dad and I were going through. But, I do feel that this process made her Stronger, a Fighter, a Woman of Purpose! I love her and I am so Proud of her accomplishment through all of her struggles. She desires to go on to college after this and see what might interest her. I fully support her in this endeavor.
I just had to share this with whoever is following my blogs. You may be or know someone who has given up on their education for whatever reasons. And they are all valid reasons. Whatever the case, keep going, keep working towards achieving your goals...in the end, it will bring you an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and well-being! Don't let time steal your destiny. Don't let age stand in the way of getting what belongs to you! It's never too late!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Choices
I had such a full day yesterday. I was busy with preparation and planning for my daughter's graduation and also my son's graduation. Filling out announcements, and planning receptions. I still broke away from my duties and found time to workout, study for my PT exam, play 18 holes of golf and go to dinner with Ryan. My day was full and I loved it! As most days, I thought back to when my life wasn't so full. Just a few years back, it was very dark and lonely. I wonder what my kids thought of me? Even though my family loved and supported me, I wonder if they truly believed I'd get better? I felt the murmurings of others saying I'd never recover fully, and I had peaked in my career and life. I began to lose faith in myself, because it had been so long since anything really good had happened for me. I just knew that what I had was going to be the best I'd ever have again in my life. There was no way anyone was going to want a 40 something year old divorcee' with 2 kids, 2 dogs, depressed, overweight and out of shape woman with a Shipload of drama from the past. I had girlfriends around me that, since my divorce, had gotten divorced themselves, met someone, married them and moved on with their lives. Meanwhile, I was doing the same thing everyday, which was really nothing, going nowhere and couldn't see any sign of things changing. I was disgusted with myself! Who would want me if that's how I viewed myself and circumstances. I was on a daily dosage of 200 mg of Zoloft and 150 mg of Welbutrin, Xanax as needed and I was taking 3 shots of NyQuil at bedtime just to fall asleep. Not to mention, the daily intake of alcohol on top of all of that. I honestly don't know how I survived. I guess it was truly the 'grace of God'.
I woke up one day and realized, who would want you, Angie? Who would want someone that is messed up like you? Why would God give you something better when you can't even take care of what he's entrusted you with now? It all became so clear. I wanted to start kicking myself and beating myself up for all I was doing, but somehow God penetrated the depression I was in and reached my heart, my soul and mind. He gave me strength to wake up the next morning and helped me to slowly start making 'good choices' one minute at a time, then, an hour at a time which progressed to half a day and then the big one...the nights! I was used to falling asleep with the lights on and TV full blast. Finally, before I knew it, I had quit all of the vices that had sustained me. It wasn't easy, and sometimes I'd fall back into a habit or two, but I have daily recovered from it all. I can even go to sleep with no sounds on at all. So, when I looked back yesterday to the full day I had without leaning on old habits, I felt so good! I thanked God for saving my life and sending me someone wonderful to love and who loves me more than I could ever imagine being loved. My kids are doing so well and are balanced and pursuing educations and careers. I am amazed at how God worked it out.
I don't know if anyone else is going through some of these things or if I'm the only one...but, if you are, let me encourage you and tell you...You Can Change! You have to make the decision to change first, then, start making positive decisions and choices for your life, little by little, day by day. Don't overwhelm yourself with the BIG picture. Just focus on what is at hand and make a right choice concerning that matter. For me, I was living life in the fast lane about 8 yrs. ago. I had it all! But, when my world crumbled, I had to slow down and focus on me and make decisions that made me a better person. Now, I'm healthy, whole, happy and fulfilled! God has been so good to me!
I'll end with a scripture that helped me through this time of my life...2 Corinthians 10:4-5..."Victorious God, I thank you that the weapons with which I fight are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. I demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and I choose to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
You have to take those thoughts and turn them into obedience to Christ. You will be challenged from time to time with your 'old man', but be encouraged...you can choose this day whom you will serve! it all starts with one right decision which will lead to two right decisions, then before you know it...you are there! Right where God wants you and in a place of Wholeness!
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