Ever feel like you're the lifeless body laying on the table of that old OPERATION game? This is the season I am currently living. It's like I want to move but I'm hooked up to all of these machines that dictate my lying here. The machines I'm referring to...everyday mundane responsibilities that don't excite or motivate you but must be done...the clocking in and clocking out of a dead end job for some people...the daily task of making ends meet when you can't find the ends...then there are the ups & downs of those that are close to you that you wish you could fix, but you can't even get your stuff to make sense. You look at your life and you know it's not bad, compared to others, but still not where you want it to be, flourishing.
It's the constant prodding from the outside that just keeps 'ticking' you off...like the OPERATION game, for some of you who might remember...you know what I'm talking about...like when somebody else has the tool in hand and reaches in to take the parts out of the body but hit the electrical sides. That's how it feels! It feels like someone else is controlling my life...taking out things....taking out my joy, taking out my happiness, taking out my hopes & dreams. It feels like I don't have a say so, I don't have a choice, I've lost control over everything...
But then I stop myself and realize...it's Ok. It's not outside circumstances that are removing these things...it's my season of "purging." There is a scripture that says, "Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God." In order for me to "see" God, which means also "to understand" God...I must experience this purging season. Anything that is pure must first be purged. God is removing (purging) the things in my life that are preventing me from getting up & on with my life. I can't go to this new level until I first purify my heart, thoughts, motives, attitude, words & actions. I thought once I went through my divorce, that I had experienced the hardest thing I'd ever have to face in my life. That was just the beginning of what God wanted to use to help bring me to my next level. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe God makes bad things happen just so he can work on you or get the glory in the end. He's much bigger than that! He just takes the things that the devil meant to take us out with, and uses it to build character & strength in us for our next assignment!
I know, today I am where I am suppose to be...9/20/10...I've wallowed in self-pity and loathing for weeks now, kicking and screaming, questioning daily..."What is going on God?" I still haven't heard Him answer me audibly, but today I woke up and this scripture came to me, I believe, to help me understand why I am where I am for this time. Now, I'm Ok, knowing I'm just on His OPERATION table being purged of unwanted chattels that are hindering my next level.
